It has been a week since I started fasting. Here are some random observations, epiphanies and thoughts of a mind deprived of food and water.
I have realized that I often eat out of boredom and not hunger. I can’t count how many times in the last week, that I have wanted to go to the fridge and simply snack on something to fill a void in my thinking. It is the same sensation as that of a cigarette. Rather than simply sit and or allow my thoughts to rest some place vacant, I felt the need to distract myself with a snack. This reinforces why I am partaking in this fast. I have spent so much time in my life saying yes, that I want to experiment with saying no. Denying your senses teaches you to see that they really are not in control of you. You are in control of them. We as a society have allowed our lives to be run by our senses and desires, but I feel a certain amount of power in my ability to say no, even, or maybe I should say especially, to myself.
My mind works slower. My body moves slower. Things are often simultaneously a bit fuzzy but also clear. The sensation is strangely like smoking marijuana, especially toward the end of the day. I was worried about becoming irritable, but just the exact opposite has happened in my weakened state; I feel much more calm and open to accepting the world. I often think that maybe people, who are engaged in a conflict, should fast a few days and meet and talk in this state. I would even recommend fasting and negotiating to world leaders. It seems difficult for me to imagine engaging in violence if one is fasting.
I really enjoy food much more. Dinner is a delight everynight. The food tastes better. I feel more refreshed afterwards, and even water tastes better. I am hoping that this appreciation for the food that nourishes my body will stay with me when this month is over. The first sip of tea and the date that I eat are often very subtle but enjoyable highlights of my day. I have never been a breakfast person, but now I make myself an elaborate breakfast every morning before sun up and sit and eat alone, mindfully enjoying each bite. Some days I read a few William Carlos Williams poems.
Stay tuned for more thoughts soon…