punching teeth, watch me sing.
couldn’t have, wanted more
make a smile, draw a ring
tender seed, trapped in skin
empty truth, winning lie
sallow eyes, let me in
dying hair, getting old
another coat, cracks in wood
wouldn’t take, promise told
dirty mirror, fortune eyes
be a winner, wish i could
another try, what’s it for
maybe the chorus
is just screaming
maybe the chorus
is a moan
i told you
there is no
meaning
i told you
you’ve been
shown.
Showing posts with label Nirvana. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nirvana. Show all posts
November 1, 2021
305/365
January 6, 2018
Chips on Shoulders
There was something gritty and angry about the early 90s. And I am
now far away enough from that time to look back on it with the hazy rose
coloured glasses of nostalgia.
1992.
I have just graduated from high school and started a decade long experiment with community college education, a foray into the service industry and a lifestyle, that looking back now, can only be described as free. I did what I wanted, when I wanted and seldom let anything that resembles society dictate what I had to do. I collected checks, paid my own way, must have had a bank account, maybe paid taxes, but for the most part I slept in, stayed up late, and for lack of a better word “explored” life.
I was angry for many reasons and had a chip on my shoulder. Maybe several chips. And whether it was my attitude that influenced my musical choices or whether the music guided my attitude, the early nineties “grunge” sound was the soundtrack of my life. Pearl Jam, Alice in Chains, Nine Inch Nails, Rage Against The Machine, Nirvana and others were the perfect background noise for a person who stayed up late and crawled to some restaurant job in the early evening.
I am sure every generation looks back at their twenties and thinks it was the best, but I know that being eighteen in 1992 was perfect. I think of kids turning eighteen this year and feel sorry for them. At least in terms of music. Where is their angry, gritty, loud rock and roll? Imagine Dragons? Fall Out Boy? Not even close.
So it was humorous when I saw the clip below that turned the most recognizable grunge anthem into a neutered major chord, auto-tuned version of itself. One that sounds eerily like what passes for rock music today.
Nirvirna - Teen Sprite from Sleep Good on Vimeo.
Am I just an old man? Do you know of any bands today playing with the grit and angst and anger of the nineties? Or are we to believe that pop-punk is the best we can do.
1992.
I have just graduated from high school and started a decade long experiment with community college education, a foray into the service industry and a lifestyle, that looking back now, can only be described as free. I did what I wanted, when I wanted and seldom let anything that resembles society dictate what I had to do. I collected checks, paid my own way, must have had a bank account, maybe paid taxes, but for the most part I slept in, stayed up late, and for lack of a better word “explored” life.
I was angry for many reasons and had a chip on my shoulder. Maybe several chips. And whether it was my attitude that influenced my musical choices or whether the music guided my attitude, the early nineties “grunge” sound was the soundtrack of my life. Pearl Jam, Alice in Chains, Nine Inch Nails, Rage Against The Machine, Nirvana and others were the perfect background noise for a person who stayed up late and crawled to some restaurant job in the early evening.
I am sure every generation looks back at their twenties and thinks it was the best, but I know that being eighteen in 1992 was perfect. I think of kids turning eighteen this year and feel sorry for them. At least in terms of music. Where is their angry, gritty, loud rock and roll? Imagine Dragons? Fall Out Boy? Not even close.
So it was humorous when I saw the clip below that turned the most recognizable grunge anthem into a neutered major chord, auto-tuned version of itself. One that sounds eerily like what passes for rock music today.
Nirvirna - Teen Sprite from Sleep Good on Vimeo.
Am I just an old man? Do you know of any bands today playing with the grit and angst and anger of the nineties? Or are we to believe that pop-punk is the best we can do.
December 6, 2016
Numb
Well that felt like 0-60.
Had a full day today. Was at school from 7:30am to 3:00pm. Taught two classes. Did some marking and then went to a meeting about Learning Spaces after school. The foot was feeling okay for most of the day. It was pretty swollen, but I tried to stay off of it as much as I could. It is amazing how far everything feels on crutches and how exhausting it can be just to get to lunch.
The killer was that we stayed after school until six pm to see Kaia’s recital, which was great and super worth it, but after a week and a half of bed-rest, a nearly twelve-hour day was pretty intense. My foot feels kind of numb right now with a strange prickling burning sensation on the top, but let’s pretend that is normal. I’ve got two classes early tomorrow, so I will go in and teach those, do some work on an assembly I am trying to organize for Thursday and maybe call it an early day tomorrow.
Everyone has been very kind and considerate and looks at me like I am crazy to be at school. “It looks so swollen.” They say and it is, but not as much as it has been. I need to be there. It is the last stretch and it feels okay to do what I am doing. It’s uncomfortable at the end of the day, but there are not many days left.
At one point tonight, after Kaia’s piece was over, we were sitting there listening to a few other students play their pieces and my mind began to drift. The drummers played along with a song track and one of my former students, who is in high school now, played Numb by Linkin Park, one of my favorite songs. He was nailing it and in some magical bizarre moment it all felt pretty transcendental.
My foot was throbbing and numb and ached from the long day. My mind was drifting and blank and utterly focused on the song and for a few disconnected seconds I felt fully alive and free. Yes, I was sitting there with a broken bone nearly two weeks after surgery, but I could feel it healing and the music told me that the future was just around the corner and that although someone said to me today in passing, only slightly joking, “Men your age shouldn’t be on skateboards,” I knew that she was wrong.
Men my age can and should do whatever we feel like. Sure we make mistakes and over-reach and hurt ourselves and ruin plans and make life difficult for those around us, but without taking these risks what are we doing? We cannot live our lives if we are always feeling the need to live a life that is overly cautious.
Enrico was pounding on the drums. Linkin Park was singing:
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,
Become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you.
I am not sure who the "you" is at this point. Perhaps just a doubting voice in my head. I was tired and hurting, but I was alive damn it and fully aware of my existence, some say this is the path to nirvana. I don’t know about all that, for me it was the end of a long Tuesday in early December and I wasn’t feeling too sorry for myself. And that felt more right than anything has felt in a while.
Had a full day today. Was at school from 7:30am to 3:00pm. Taught two classes. Did some marking and then went to a meeting about Learning Spaces after school. The foot was feeling okay for most of the day. It was pretty swollen, but I tried to stay off of it as much as I could. It is amazing how far everything feels on crutches and how exhausting it can be just to get to lunch.
The killer was that we stayed after school until six pm to see Kaia’s recital, which was great and super worth it, but after a week and a half of bed-rest, a nearly twelve-hour day was pretty intense. My foot feels kind of numb right now with a strange prickling burning sensation on the top, but let’s pretend that is normal. I’ve got two classes early tomorrow, so I will go in and teach those, do some work on an assembly I am trying to organize for Thursday and maybe call it an early day tomorrow.
Everyone has been very kind and considerate and looks at me like I am crazy to be at school. “It looks so swollen.” They say and it is, but not as much as it has been. I need to be there. It is the last stretch and it feels okay to do what I am doing. It’s uncomfortable at the end of the day, but there are not many days left.
At one point tonight, after Kaia’s piece was over, we were sitting there listening to a few other students play their pieces and my mind began to drift. The drummers played along with a song track and one of my former students, who is in high school now, played Numb by Linkin Park, one of my favorite songs. He was nailing it and in some magical bizarre moment it all felt pretty transcendental.
My foot was throbbing and numb and ached from the long day. My mind was drifting and blank and utterly focused on the song and for a few disconnected seconds I felt fully alive and free. Yes, I was sitting there with a broken bone nearly two weeks after surgery, but I could feel it healing and the music told me that the future was just around the corner and that although someone said to me today in passing, only slightly joking, “Men your age shouldn’t be on skateboards,” I knew that she was wrong.
Men my age can and should do whatever we feel like. Sure we make mistakes and over-reach and hurt ourselves and ruin plans and make life difficult for those around us, but without taking these risks what are we doing? We cannot live our lives if we are always feeling the need to live a life that is overly cautious.
Enrico was pounding on the drums. Linkin Park was singing:
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,
Become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you.
I am not sure who the "you" is at this point. Perhaps just a doubting voice in my head. I was tired and hurting, but I was alive damn it and fully aware of my existence, some say this is the path to nirvana. I don’t know about all that, for me it was the end of a long Tuesday in early December and I wasn’t feeling too sorry for myself. And that felt more right than anything has felt in a while.
May 1, 2016
Loved and Left Alone
You may have seen this morning that Mairin posted something about the girls asking for the “entertain us” song from the film Pan.
This is another song that came to Kaia’s attention after Soul Asylum. Yup, they love themselves some Smells Like Teen Spirit. This makes me happy beyond belief, but I am not thrilled that they see it as a backing track for some Peter Pan movie.
“You know Kaia- this song was famous well before the movie Pan, and the band that created it changed music history.”
“Yeah, daddy, but the guy singing does sound like Black Beard.” Skyelar.
Oh dear.
So tonight when we go back from dinner at East Coast park I sat both girls down after getting in our pyjamas and brushing out teeth and showed them the official Smells Like Teen Spirit. What follows is our conversation:
“I don’t get it. Why are there cheerleaders?”
“Well, this band was a voice for lots of kids who felt voiceless. They were commenting on the traditional idea of what was cool.”
“Like who?”
“Well kids that were not popular in the traditional sense. Kids who felt misunderstood and unloved.”
“There are kids like that?”
“I was a kid like that. Sometimes kids just are just misunderstood and thankfully they can find a voice in songs and music.”
Silence.
“He was an angry depressed person, but he was also an amazing painter, sculptor, artist and musician.”
“What was he so upset?”
“It’s hard to know what makes people so upset, but he was in a lot of pain?”
“Is he dead?” Skyelar.
“Actually, yes. He killed himself.”
“Well that is stupid.” Skyelar
“Yeah, it is not a good idea.”
“Let’s watch another video from a concert they did that was acoustic. It will give you another view of their music. This song is called Oh Me.”
“I thought they only had three members. Who is that guy?”
“He is a special friend who played just on his concert. Anyway, this is an important band that you should know about. Their music is important and it is bigger than just a cover in the movie Pan.”
“Good night dad. That video was weird and I don’t get it.”
“You don’t have to get it right now, or ever actually, Just let the music move you however it needs to move you.”
…
Close your eyes and birth a memory:
Driving in San Rafael in Anthony’s car. It is a silver Honda- a mess of CD’s jewel cases and sunflower seeds. We are behind the SRHS taking the hills at speeds that can’t be safe. He is leaning back and daring the road to make a wrong turn. At one point two of the wheels are up up on the dirt wall to our left. Check Your Head is blaring through the cheap speakers that can barely hold on:
Free your mind, it's time for good times
And let yourself move, it's a time to shine
Spread your wings in the sky, feelin' good inside
Breaking fool with no need to hide
I got the music cuttin' through me
Takin' control of my soul
I can't hold back, I've got to let go
Not sure where we are headed, but we are in a hurry to get there and the windows are down and the wind is aggressive. Anthony is pounding on the steering wheel, while I am pretending not to be scared and keeping it cool. Skid marks and screeching tires. The smell of rubber and honking horns. Near misses. We are a menace to the quiet Country Club hill. Who let these guys in? With their damaged car and broken spirits? Slow down boys…not a chance sir
Who is the man comin' down your block?
It's me you see with the funk in my walk
Cause I'm doin' just what I like to
Today is my day yeah, and I'mma get nice too
You gotta keep movin', and you can't say nothing
I'mma keep bouncin' and bumpin' and stuffin'
One thing you ought to know
Well, I am the maestro
…
All I’ve ever wanted was to be loved and left alone.
Put me on a pedestal and say you love me; ignore me.
Don’t make too big of a deal when you shower me with praise.
You embarrass us both when you do that-
don’t stop: love me discretely.
I've always wanted to be popular and accepted by the people I hate, so I could tell them that I don't really care.
Some day the teen angst will go away.
I'll grow up and die.
Until then,
we’ll have bad late night poetry and pixilated
scribbled gibberish.
It's okay to eat fish because they haven't any feelings.
This is another song that came to Kaia’s attention after Soul Asylum. Yup, they love themselves some Smells Like Teen Spirit. This makes me happy beyond belief, but I am not thrilled that they see it as a backing track for some Peter Pan movie.
“You know Kaia- this song was famous well before the movie Pan, and the band that created it changed music history.”
“Yeah, daddy, but the guy singing does sound like Black Beard.” Skyelar.
Oh dear.
So tonight when we go back from dinner at East Coast park I sat both girls down after getting in our pyjamas and brushing out teeth and showed them the official Smells Like Teen Spirit. What follows is our conversation:
“I don’t get it. Why are there cheerleaders?”
“Well, this band was a voice for lots of kids who felt voiceless. They were commenting on the traditional idea of what was cool.”
“Like who?”
“Well kids that were not popular in the traditional sense. Kids who felt misunderstood and unloved.”
“There are kids like that?”
“I was a kid like that. Sometimes kids just are just misunderstood and thankfully they can find a voice in songs and music.”
Silence.
“He was an angry depressed person, but he was also an amazing painter, sculptor, artist and musician.”
“What was he so upset?”
“It’s hard to know what makes people so upset, but he was in a lot of pain?”
“Is he dead?” Skyelar.
“Actually, yes. He killed himself.”
“Well that is stupid.” Skyelar
“Yeah, it is not a good idea.”
“Let’s watch another video from a concert they did that was acoustic. It will give you another view of their music. This song is called Oh Me.”
“I thought they only had three members. Who is that guy?”
“He is a special friend who played just on his concert. Anyway, this is an important band that you should know about. Their music is important and it is bigger than just a cover in the movie Pan.”
“Good night dad. That video was weird and I don’t get it.”
“You don’t have to get it right now, or ever actually, Just let the music move you however it needs to move you.”
…
Close your eyes and birth a memory:
Driving in San Rafael in Anthony’s car. It is a silver Honda- a mess of CD’s jewel cases and sunflower seeds. We are behind the SRHS taking the hills at speeds that can’t be safe. He is leaning back and daring the road to make a wrong turn. At one point two of the wheels are up up on the dirt wall to our left. Check Your Head is blaring through the cheap speakers that can barely hold on:
Free your mind, it's time for good times
And let yourself move, it's a time to shine
Spread your wings in the sky, feelin' good inside
Breaking fool with no need to hide
I got the music cuttin' through me
Takin' control of my soul
I can't hold back, I've got to let go
Not sure where we are headed, but we are in a hurry to get there and the windows are down and the wind is aggressive. Anthony is pounding on the steering wheel, while I am pretending not to be scared and keeping it cool. Skid marks and screeching tires. The smell of rubber and honking horns. Near misses. We are a menace to the quiet Country Club hill. Who let these guys in? With their damaged car and broken spirits? Slow down boys…not a chance sir
Who is the man comin' down your block?
It's me you see with the funk in my walk
Cause I'm doin' just what I like to
Today is my day yeah, and I'mma get nice too
You gotta keep movin', and you can't say nothing
I'mma keep bouncin' and bumpin' and stuffin'
One thing you ought to know
Well, I am the maestro
…
All I’ve ever wanted was to be loved and left alone.
Put me on a pedestal and say you love me; ignore me.
Don’t make too big of a deal when you shower me with praise.
You embarrass us both when you do that-
don’t stop: love me discretely.
I've always wanted to be popular and accepted by the people I hate, so I could tell them that I don't really care.
Some day the teen angst will go away.
I'll grow up and die.
Until then,
we’ll have bad late night poetry and pixilated
scribbled gibberish.
It's okay to eat fish because they haven't any feelings.
September 4, 2013
Wednesday Jams Week Two
Back in the studio tonight. Had such a great time. I mic'd my guitar and voice and was able to practice things with my voice I don't usually get to do at home. Loving the freedom to be alone and to sing as loud as I want. I am hoping to find an Open Mic here in Singapore, once I get a few songs under my belt. A few more favorite Dylan tunes, some Cat Power and the Vaseline's (Nirvana) song.
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