March 29, 2016

Sun Sunk Low

It wasn’t the longest travel day. Short flight. Short wait at the ferry station. Short ferry ride. Short(ish) immigration wait, but added all up, it felt long, but before we knew it we were in our room, changed, down in the ocean, by the pool and a few mojitos under before dinner.

The sun sunk low in the sky and the water was hinting orange, but still sparked bright like a bag of spilled diamonds. The girls were goggled and swimming somersaults, diving deep trying to touch the parrot fish and the anemone that they were able to see in the coral just off shore from our hotel. It was late afternoon already and I was revelling in the fact that we were aquatic mammals back home in the ocean. The ease and comfort with which they swam in the ocean made me smile. I looked forward to the coming days when we would spend more time in her embrace.

After I posted my rant last night, Mairin asked if it was a good idea to post such a biased one sided, slightly offensive post. “You are a teacher and you cannot be so opinionated,” was her plea. And this has been her plea for years. I get her apprehension. And the public nature of being an opinionated teacher has always been hard to balance. But are we not allowed to have public opinions?

I try to always ask myself, how would a parent react to this post or that photo or that opinion, but at the end of the day, I hope that I could show my years of writing and thoughts and feelings as the true reflection of who I am. I hope I am never judged by any one post. Sure, I might be angry and ranting about religion one night, but the next night I might post part of a prayer from Mathew that a friend posted in response to my previous thinking:

I put aside my anger, judgement, frustration, stress, prejudice, fear and pride.

I acknowledged the hurt and pain and suffering that is in the world. I take responsibility for my part in the systems and behaviours that have caused it; and I look for the answers to bring change within myself, and I choose to take action. I know that in me is the capacity for good and love and forgiveness. I return to my goodness, and choose to respond to the world out of that.

I choose to be love.
I choose to be patience and peace and kindness.
I choose to be the change I want to see in my world.

And... I choose to forgive. I choose to take the violence out of circulation. If wrong is done to me, if violence is poured against me. It will stop with me.

I choose to respond out of the environment of love, and not the environment of anger and pain and hurt or greed.

See that all sounds pretty good to me. I just can’t handle the stuff about the lord and the father and the “he” who created the world etc….I believe in love for its own sake, not of a god who created it. It is in peace and patience and kindness where I want to find common ground too.

Anyway, thank you for all the likes and loves and comments. It feels good to know that we are not alone in our thoughts. As teachers we have to be able to hold opinions about religion and politics, just like everyone else.

I finished The Bell Jar on the ferry today, and I found it pretty boring, but eloquently written. I didn’t care that nothing really happen, because I loved her dry sardonic tone. Next up, To Rise Again At A Decent Hour by Joshua Ferris. I am pretty excited because Adrienne didn’t like it very much, which means I will love it.

My eyes are burning. My muscles are sore. The kids are watching a movie and we have nothing to do tomorrow, but eat, drink, swim, sleep and maybe get a massage. Life here is good even though I am aware that in many places it is not.

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