June 7, 2016

The Hard Stuff

Okay four is my limit. 

I had grand plans to stay up late tonight and finish, or at least get very close to finishing my mentor comments, but I could only get through four before my brain went totally numb and I was pounding the keys like a deranged gorilla. It is only 9:45, and while I could stay up later and do a few more, I only have six to go, I am choosing to bore you with my griping about writing reports instead. You’re welcome.

Admit it, you would rather hear about my pain and suffering over the *(&*^%%*s who are already posting vacation photos, as if the rest of us aren’t still stuck in the muck. That’s like being sent home from the Nam and posting photos while your buddies are still in a fox hole deep in the jungle. Well, it would be like that if they had Facebook in 1967 and wifi in the DMZ. Sorry, that whole thread felt a bit insensitive. Please do let us move on.

The world has got me down again. This whole Brock Turner thing has got me angry something fierce. But my thoughts are too wrapped up in shame, anger and indignation to say anything coherent at this time. I did want to take this time and use this space to say I am reading all tweet, the articles, the letters and trying to process my emotions before I react.

I think in this age of the Internet it is important that we process and think and reflect before we automatically react. But man, what a situation. What a world to send my girls into? I am terrified and ashamed and feel unprepared to send my beautiful children into a world where the threat of rape and abuse and harassment is so real.

Reminds me again how important our role is as teachers and parents to educate the boys in our culture(s) to understand and dismantle rape culture, the patriarchy and misogyny. It’s not a safe and inviting world for women, boys and we need to do something about it everyday. But I wasn’t going to get into all that tonight.

In other news, I am so excited and ready to get back to the US and interact with some real, sane, wonderful Americans. I say that without a trace of irony. It can be misleading to experience a culture though the news and the internet. I know that there are amazing people in every city in America, but if you read only the news it looks like dark times. I need to actually interact with other parents at playgrounds, waitresses and people at bus stops. There is a confident vibrancy that comes from spending time in American cities and I will be in San Francisco, Portland and Seattle to name just a few. I am ready to explore record shops and parks and kayak down rivers and drink beers with my brethren. I need America to remind me that there is more to us that white privileged racist rapist lunatics out there.

Wow, hard to move away from the hard stuff tonight. Maybe I did need a good vent tonight.

Well, that is the end of my ran as well as the end of reports for tonight. Time for some chocolate, maybe a glass of wine, some Samantha Bee and a few essays in the Roxanne Gay collection.

My tendons still hurt, but are getting better and tomorrow is Wednesday. Six reports to go and the light at the end of that tunnel is getting brighter and brighter.

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