August 25, 2016

carry on

carry on

there’s an emptiness that I can’t seem to fill,
these days, I’ve tried everything-
no amount of to-do lists seem to do the trick.
set up a task, accomplish it and move onto the next one.

the songs feel shallow and tepid,
the wine comes close, but that is a cul de sac
i’ve gotten lost in before.

an entire bar of chocolate,
a run.
the guitar chords don’t tingle
and my voice is timid and confused.
the books have lost their magnetic power,
the internet a vapid mirror.

the kids, the wife, can’t seem help pushing them away,
for fear they might fall into the void.

the conversations at work, the students, the plans, the meetings:

i was talking to scott after school today about the injustice of life
especially in its smallest pieces.

it’s easy to see it through rape and genocide,
but we forget to name the evil in the world when it kills
an old lady down a flight of stairs at the end of her
beautiful hard-earned life.
lying in a bed scared and in pain.
waiting for her liquids to evaporate.

we talk of god- a higher power,
i used to believe in Karma, but never again.
i hope that there is not some force that does this to people.

a force that punishes light with pain.
love with fear.

a force that tests our faith through vile acts of violence
on the most vulnerable amongst us
is nothing i want to be near.

if there is a god that behaves in this way
i hope to never encounter him.

There is nothing that can fill this emptiness.
no rhyme or reason.
no faith or evolution.
no meditation or awareness.

each death reminds us that an entire life
can disappear into the darkness without
even a whisper.

leaving behind nothing but the tiniest twinkle.
we pray that this is enough for us to carry on.

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