October 14, 2016

Assault of Love

The only thing I had to do today was make sure that I deposited a little more than a liter of my own urine to the clinic before they closed.

Is that Too Much Information? I suppose that sharing these types of more intimate medical details can make some uncomfortable, but if I am truly going to write as honestly as I can, then there will be some awkward moments like this one. Besides things get a bit personal on day 288, and if you are still reading these posts, you won’t be surprised by the sharing of urine delivery.

A few years ago after noticing some blood in my urine, I overcame a kidney/bladder scare. A few days in the hospital and a few very painful and uncomfortable procedures later, it was clear that I did not have any stones, tumors or cancers, however I am still producing too much protein and my urine can be blood soaked more than normal.

Long story short, every six months to a year, I have to submit a 24 hour urine sample to the lab for testing. It is not fun and actually quite embarrassing, but a necessity when you are forty-two.

So that was all I had to do today. The original plan was that I would get up early, drive the sample down and be back around 9:30 to take Kaia to Pulau Ubin for a bike ride with Miles and Steve, while Mairin to Skye to Kidzania.

After a long night of not sleeping well and tired cranky kids and parents, Kaia and I decided to cancel the bike ride and slept in a bit. Since Mairin had the car and we had nothing to do, so Kaia and I decided to take the bus down to Orchard and make a day of it. On the bus we chatted about:

The election. The three branches of US government. I explained the right and the left and liberal and conservative politics. We talked about gay marriage and abortion as decisive issues in elections. We spoke about Congress, The Senate and the House of Representatives. She asked about Thanksgiving. I mentioned family and genocide. We talked about consent and saying no and owning her body. I told her about my first kiss and she asked my why I started to smoke. I said that she should work on building a better relationship with her sister.

We had a nice lunch and walked and talked and saw a movie. And took the bus home.

It is so nice to spend one-on-one time with your kids as they get older. I couldn’t believe that this was the same baby I used to push in a stroller through the rubble pits of Doha at dawn. She is such an amazing young woman. She asked questions and I tried to answer. I asked questions and she tried to answer. Do you like all the things you do: guitar, basketball, sewing, skateboarding? Yeah she said. Yes, I really do. Is there anything bothering you? Anything you need? You know we love you right?

I know dad, I love you too. She grabbed me by the elbow and we walked down Orchard street like we owned the world. She looked me in the eyes at lunch and smiled awkwardly, both of us aware that we have entered a new uncharted area of our relationship. We talked about shaving legs and organic make-up. She carried a purse and got off a few stops early to go to a friend's house on her own.

I am torn, because I love this new person and want to teach her everything, but at the same time, I miss my little girl. This parenting thing is a constant assault of love and loss and confusion and bliss.

We had a good day.

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