282/365

it’s after midnight
birthdaycake and a
a new phoebe bridgers song
keeps you company
on the cab ride home.
enough red wine to make
them bearable beneath
the fluorescent chandelier
at the wedding at a mall.
we sat by the river
electric blue river lights
as we drained a pack of smokes
talking how about we used to be free.
anxiety. depression. normalising mental health
until it cuts too close to home.
we guess we’re happy
because we weren’t taught how else to be.
a friend’s sister died of cancer on facebook,
but what can you really say?
we’re all dealing with our own shit
pretending that the sunshine by the pool
is enough to make this worth it.
it’s been a decade since we coined
embrace the sadness. but a lifetime
of riding these waves. making do.