July 9, 2008

Nothing More to Investigate

An empty Latte cup. A young Chinese man with a hip haircut. Bored airport waitresses. Modest Mouse on the head phones swirl with the fog of insufficient sleep to assemble this moment. 9:22 am, somewhere on the globe. Soon it will be 8:27am, an hour ago and I will arrive.

I am a thirty-four old man wearing plaid print pants and low top vans. A royal blue t-short with an Elliott Smith silk screen in white. I am typing methodically on a Mac Book listening Dead Prez and Sun Kil Moon. I have an SLR camera, a video camera, a laptop , and an ipod. One might ask what am I documenting. I am not sure, but I am ready when it makes itself visible. I just identified myself by my possessions and my clothes; I am okay with this because it is this shell that walks these airport halls. What’s inside is still brewing. Perhaps a good subject for documentation.

I am reading The End of Education by Neil Postman. I am not sure what any of this data means, but I know if I were asked to create a sketch of who I wanted to be as a younger man, it would look eerily similar to the person sitting here right now. This creation is comforting. I have a beard and my hair is in a ponytail, I am a cliché, but one that somehow feels matchless.

My two best friends are in a border town in El Salvador and I sit in Shanghai. Last night I was in Kuala Lumpur and in a few hours I will be in San Francisco. I live in Doha and hope to move anywhere after that. My friends write of rain and delirium. I wrote of lattes and Macbooks. Three years ago we were all in Vietnam, experience what my wife calls the “bad times” and what I call the “awakening.” Nothing has changed. Everything has changed.

It is finally quiet in my head. Below me, I see nothing more to investigate, but when I look up, I see only limitless possibilities. I am open to the idea that perhaps I am still disoriented, but I am comfortable with that. I will journey towards the possibilities, whether up or down, I will carry on. None of this means anything to anyone, not even me, but somehow it still begs to be heard. In the end, I know I will always end up here in the silence of my own mind.


  1. I just read End of Education. Great book.

  2. interesting stuff

  3. And we are having the strangest weather here...does it feel anything like home now that you have lived so many disparate places in this huge/tiny world of ours?

    And for the record, if I saw the "you" that is described here in the airport, I would want to know your story :)

    Good journey to you,,