Shame’s no fun. Guilt sucks. Disappointment and self-loathing? No picnic.
But this is the basket of goodies I lugged to my bed this afternoon before I passed out for a quick twenty minute power nap. I did, however, mentally fight with myself for ten minutes before and it sounded like this:
You got to get back out there and run today.
I know, but man that feels like the last thing I want to do.
You have lost everything you worked for. Your habit is all but gone.
What is one more day? I’ll start Wednesday.
That’s what you said last week and it’s been a week.
But it’s so hot and my eyes are drooping.
Remember how you were bragging about how it makes you feel good once you’re out there.
But that’s bullshit. It will hurt and feel bad.
So is that it? Was the running a fad? All done?
Don’t get so extreme, I still value it, but I just can’t today.
Get up. Get up. Get up. Just get out there and do a quick 5km.
I hate you.
I hate you too.
I need a nap. Oh and by the way, I don’t plan to write tonight either.
You’re the worst.
How can you stand to ook at yourself?
I don't know.
And with that, I set my alarm and slept. But before I faded to black I contemplated how much of a better all-around person Mairin is than me:
She woke up early, even though she is sick and made lunches, breakfast and prepped dinner for tonight. All I had to do was put it in the oven. Why might you ask? Because although she also worked all day- did I mention that she was sick, she still went to her exercise class.
She woke up earlier than me. Did more work. Was sick all day and still made it to her class. Me? What did I do? I slept.
Shame’s no fun. Guilt sucks. Disappointment and self-loathing? No Picnic.
1. By the new Beyonce album, I am obsessed with since I watched Lemonade on HBO last night, from iTunes, or wait until it may or may not be on Spotify.
2. Facial hair for the coming months: Stay clean shaven? Little goatee thing? Full summer beard?
3. How to punctuate my sentence about my lack of dilemmas?
Well that was fortunate; even after some serious brainstorming, at the moment, I am only suffering from two mild dilemmas.
Well that was fortunate. Even after some serious brainstorming, I am only suffering from two mild dilemmas at the moment.
Well that was fortunate. At the moment, even after some serious brainstorming, I am only suffering from two mild dilemmas.
The only thing left to do is consume chips and salsa, wine, chocolate and the Game of Thrones season premiere. Mondays aren’t good for much else.