May 1, 2016

Loved and Left Alone

You may have seen this morning that Mairin posted something about the girls asking for the “entertain us” song from the film Pan.

This is another song that came to Kaia’s attention after Soul Asylum. Yup, they love themselves some Smells Like Teen Spirit. This makes me happy beyond belief, but I am not thrilled that they see it as a backing track for some Peter Pan movie.

“You know Kaia- this song was famous well before the movie Pan, and the band that created it changed music history.”
“Yeah, daddy, but the guy singing does sound like Black Beard.” Skyelar.

Oh dear.

So tonight when we go back from dinner at East Coast park I sat both girls down after getting in our pyjamas and brushing out teeth and showed them the official Smells Like Teen Spirit. What follows is our conversation:

“I don’t get it. Why are there cheerleaders?”
“Well, this band was a voice for lots of kids who felt voiceless. They were commenting on the traditional idea of what was cool.”
“Like who?”
“Well kids that were not popular in the traditional sense. Kids who felt misunderstood and unloved.”
“There are kids like that?”
“I was a kid like that. Sometimes kids just are just misunderstood and thankfully they can find a voice in songs and music.”


“He was an angry depressed person, but he was also an amazing painter, sculptor, artist and musician.”
“What was he so upset?”
“It’s hard to know what makes people so upset, but he was in a lot of pain?”
“Is he dead?” Skyelar.
“Actually, yes. He killed himself.”
“Well that is stupid.” Skyelar
“Yeah, it is not a good idea.”

“Let’s watch another video from a concert they did that was acoustic. It will give you another view of their music. This song is called Oh Me.”
“I thought they only had three members. Who is that guy?”
“He is a special friend who played just on his concert. Anyway, this is an important band that you should know about. Their music is important and it is bigger than just a cover in the movie Pan.”
“Good night dad. That video was weird and I don’t get it.”
“You don’t have to get it right now, or ever actually, Just let the music move you however it needs to move you.”

Close your eyes and birth a memory:

Driving in San Rafael in Anthony’s car. It is a silver Honda- a mess of CD’s jewel cases and sunflower seeds. We are behind the SRHS taking the hills at speeds that can’t be safe. He is leaning back and daring the road to make a wrong turn. At one point two of the wheels are up up on the dirt wall to our left. Check Your Head is blaring through the cheap speakers that can barely hold on:

Free your mind, it's time for good times
And let yourself move, it's a time to shine
Spread your wings in the sky, feelin' good inside
Breaking fool with no need to hide
I got the music cuttin' through me
Takin' control of my soul
I can't hold back, I've got to let go

Not sure where we are headed, but we are in a hurry to get there and the windows are down and the wind is aggressive. Anthony is pounding on the steering wheel, while I am pretending not to be scared and keeping it cool. Skid marks and screeching tires. The smell of rubber and honking horns. Near misses. We are a menace to the quiet Country Club hill. Who let these guys in? With their damaged car and broken spirits? Slow down boys…not a chance sir

Who is the man comin' down your block?
It's me you see with the funk in my walk
Cause I'm doin' just what I like to
Today is my day yeah, and I'mma get nice too
You gotta keep movin', and you can't say nothing
I'mma keep bouncin' and bumpin' and stuffin'
One thing you ought to know
Well, I am the maestro

All I’ve ever wanted was to be loved and left alone.
Put me on a pedestal and say you love me; ignore me.
Don’t make too big of a deal when you shower me with praise.
You embarrass us both when you do that-
don’t stop: love me discretely.
I've always wanted to be popular and accepted by the people I hate, so I could tell them that I don't really care.
Some day the teen angst will go away.
I'll grow up and die.
Until then,
we’ll have bad late night poetry and pixilated
scribbled gibberish.
It's okay to eat fish because they haven't any feelings.

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