August 10, 2006

Poetry Thursday- August 10th

This week's prompt is: Unfinished conversations.
It said, “ Have you had a moment in your life when there were words on the tip of your tongue, yet you chose not to say them? Have you thought about a past conversation and wished you would have known what you know now to say things differently? Are there conversations you have had in your head but have never said aloud?

I guess I have had the following conversation in my head since I was seven. It has gone through many stages: shame, guilt, rage, confusion but this is where it is now. I think the poem is pretty self-explanatory. This is the first time I have ever shared this episode in my life with anyone other than my close friends. I think it is a good sign that I no longer feel afraid to share it with complete strangers. I am ready to be free of it. So here it is as a poem…off into the world allowing me to be lighter and more free.

the canal

it is because you made me feel
safe in that expansive darkness
that i hate you most.

stranded in the living room
between MTV
and the languid dawn,
molested by memories:
the Eurhythmics,
somehow always rain,
your cologne
that undeniable mark of
impending shame.

your whiskers
grate my entire face
as your stale breath
swallows mine.

i disappear,
trembling.

knowing what comes next
i don’t scream.
this silence will
mature into the guilt
you’ve sown.

i am left to reap
the how’s,
and why’s.

after all this time
what is there left to say?
all my pillows
awash in tears.

stained by invective
one sided conversations,
this weight
too heavy to carry
this long.

all i have left to say is
i forgive you.

8 comments:

  1. Forgiveness is a good thing. (Ask Martha Stewart!) Your poem is a good thing as well. Hope you feel better for sharing.

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  2. If you ever need to talk, or want resources, come see me at the Peace train and IM me. This is my field.
    Very powerful poem. I understand.
    Not to get too personal but it also explains the drinking..

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  3. Very powerful and moving piece, I'm glad you are able to write about it, as you say, it does help to exorcise the demons. Thank you for your honesty and courage.

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  4. my favorite line: all my pillows awash in tears. Very nice. It amazes me how many women share this story! When will this end? Will my daughter's daughters be forced to forgive??Thank you for your honesty.

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  5. Oh how dense of me, how truely dense and naive and middle class.Why, indeed, is this a woman thing...so clearly its not. Please be compimented, you write with a enlighted soul...I lept to female...I am so sorry...yet, still, these stories need to end...no matter who the vilian..and who the victim... I will be back...and pay closer attention. I still thank you for your courage.

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  6. You have such control in this poem. And the clear, concise language makes it powerful:

    stranded in the living room
    between MTV
    and the languid dawn,
    molested by memories:
    the Eurhythmics,
    somehow always rain,
    your cologne
    that undeniable mark of
    impending shame.


    You should be proud of this writing.

    On another note, there are so many of us. It breaks my heart.

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  7. What is there left to say that hasn't already been said, in your words, in your honesty, in the comments others have left.

    The images you've offered up tell the story best and offered a glimpse into the reality you have held onto, in silence up until now.

    You've truly delved deep for this week's submission, it says so much that you've chosen now to share.

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  8. I hope the lightness and freedom you seek will be yours. Those last three words are powerful indeed. Thank you for entrusting your poem to us.

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