October 1, 2007

Something Standardized

A friend of mine has been sending me these amazing vignettes that he has been writing about his life in LA, and I could resist any longer. I felt obliged to share a few of his choice lines, because I relate to them on such an intense level, and I feel that many of you may as well:

All I want out of life is to feel connected to something standardized, homogeneous. I want to see myself in others, and others to see them selves in me.

There's the other part of me that never wants to feel connected to anyone, to anything. The guy who wants to feel isolated and alone—the victim of something he doesn't understand, and thereby powerless to remedy. I want (and actively seek) to ache with a prefigured sense of my own martyrdom; I want to find a tiny crack in the wall and squeeze myself inside it. To fold myself over and over and over until I am no longer there.

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