January 4, 2011

Enormity of Entirety

It’s been a while old friend, since I have stared at your beautiful vacant screen. Since I have allowed the words to stop swirling long enough to rain down on a page. The music is loud and pregnant with hope; the tender lights illuminate the room with a dull optimism, and so I write…

The year is new, and the voice in my head like an old friend has agreed to help me jettison the anchor of cynicism to see where this ship could sail. My good friend Ari over at We Buy Balloons has asked me to ponder this:
decide for yourself what X is, and then write me your thoughts on it:

there's something about X that helps to justify your entire existence.
I have been juggling these thoughts for a few weeks now, and the various drafts of what I could write have been written and re-written in invisible ink. I have shuffled the deck of X’s, but none seem to matter enough to document, because I cannot seem to convince myself of the need to justify even the smallest part of my existence, let alone the enormity of its entirety.

I don’t need the complexity of creating meaning when none is needed. The insignificance of my existence is all the justification I can muster. I am here, and soon I won’t be anymore, what else is there really. I will do my best to make use of my time while I can. I will do my best to shed light and ignite and inspire. Sometimes I will succeed, others I will not.

This is the year that will be about idealism and optimism. It will be about light and openness and sharing and joy and laughter. I am losing patience with brooding, angst, and anger. The world like my heart will not be changed with facts, politics or reason. Our only hope is in our laughter and ability to take it all less seriously. This will be the year where we love ourselves till we shine bright enough to blind. This will be the year for us to be children. A time to finally believe all we have been told: it is this simple. We are this perfect.

I have no need for justifications, and even less so even for my existence. I will teach as many people as I can what I know. I will love my children, my wife, my family, and my friends. I will be open and positive. I will be a source of knowledge and inspiration. I will lose myself in music. I will find myself in a sea of words. I will create beautiful things. I will continue to walk the path that I have learned to walk so well. I will enjoy the time I have on earth. I will cherish the seed of loneliness I have battled for so long, and finally lay it in the ground so I can help it grow.

But none of this is new. We have been singing this song since we were fifteen. You want justification? All I got is this photo and my new anthem below...

let the yoke fall from our shoulders,
don’t carry it all don’t carry it all,
we are all our hands in holders,
beneath this bold and brilliant sun,
this I swear to all, this I swear to all

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