January 9, 2016

Recklessness Of Youth

I’m a bit obsessed with the song Landslide these days. Not sure why, might have something to do with these words:

"Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love? Can the child within my heart rise above? Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life?"

 I strum it. I fingerpick it. I sing it.  I am listening to it right now.

12:24 am Saturday night.

Another night with friends. A little all you can eat pizza, all you can drink beer and a bit of a Sake night cap.

I still seem to brag about the recklessness of my youth. Tales of Hunter S. Thompson and wild nights in the 90’s seem to be the stories I love to tell and assume you love to hear, but my stories these days are a bit more tame.

Slightly hungover, lazy distant unimpressive parenting. Mid day nap. That hour by the pool when the kids were hungry and under-slept and all I wanted was for them to disappear.

Slightly hungover, lazy distant unimpressive husbanding. She wanted to leave, but I chose to stay. The unselfish person would have gone home with her. There is still so much work to do. 41 years and I am still number one, despite all the hopes and promises.


I talked to my mom today. She told me she's been asked to be on staff at the Zen Center. She wants to study to be a priest. I told her I was happy for her, but I wasn’t able to tell her how happy I am and how much I love her, not sure why, might be cuz despite what I say, I am still afraid to be vulnerable, especially with the people I love the most.

I also talked with Jason​ and realized that he will be in Kenya in a few weeks when we go to Daraja Academy​. I can’t wait for him to meet Claire​. I am already dreaming of the stars under that African sky. We will miss you Paula​, Jenn​, Shruti​ and Georgina​.


Sometimes the days are lukewarm and indifferent. Sometimes the days are slow and sloth-like and there are arguments and your kids might say things like, “Why are you the meanest daddy in the world?”

Some days the clouds move slowly and full and the sun paints the sky with warmth and the breeze blows just so, and the bus comes just as you leave the Sake bar and your friends laugh at your jokes and act like they care about you and maybe you feel a bit of love.

That’s all there is. That piece of love you take with you to bed.

Lessons Learned:

  • You are not who you were, but you kind of are, and then you are also who you will become. 
  • You are complicated. 
  • Sake after midnight is always a good idea. 
  • Even at your worst, your wife and kids need a bit more than nothing. Throw them a bone. 
  1. What song are you currently obsessed with?
  2. When have you been selfish and/or a mediocre partner or parent? 
  3. What do you friend love about you?
  4. Tell us a crazy story from your youth. 

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