March 18, 2016

Your Ability To Love Yourself

12:27 Friday night, March 18th, I just got back from a party where we had a scotch tasting. I am listening to Somebody by Depeche Mode and feeling pretty good about the world. It was a long day. I taught the hell out of it, and I am tired in the best way. “I want somebody to share, share the rest of my life, share my innermost thoughts, know my intimate details. Someone who'll stand by my side and give me support and in return she'll get my support.“



At one point in your life, your self-worth was measured by how high you could count- 521, 522, 523 and on and on you went. At one point in your life, your self-worth was measured by how many shots you could take or how fast you could drink a bottle of Southern Comfort. At one point in your life, your self-worth was measured by an SAT score a GPA or a college application. At one point in your life, your self-worth was measured by the tips in your pocket or an ambivalent mirror reflection. At one point in your life, your self-worth was measured by your ability to earn the rent check or the number of shows you could see in a month. At one point in your life, your self-worth was measured by teaching a great class or performing at an open mic. At one point in your life, your self-worth was measured by finishing a book or writing a post every-night or running 10km. At one point in your life, your self-worth was measured by raising two kids and being a decent husband. At one point in your life, your self-worth was measured by making out with as many people as you could on a bus that traveled across the country- and stopping in a mud bath somewhere in New Mexico. At one point in your life, your self-worth was measured by your ability to write a short story or examine Victorian literature. At one point in your life, your self-worth was measured by holding your own in a Henry Rollins mosh pit.


The song Hurt by Nine Inch Nails is as close to a prayer as I can ever get.


You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way


At one point in your life, your self-worth was measured by your ability to love yourself.

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