20/365

i am speechless.
i am without speech.

there is no way i can
write
this thing tonight.
how would i even craft it?
organise the thoughts?
structure the emotions?
choose what to put it?
what to leave out?

i’m a jumbled mess.
i’m awash in emotion:

mostly relief,
but also lingering rage, confusion, and animosity.
some joy, giddiness, and pleasure

and savouring the thought that after
four long fucking years of torture

this lying, evil, criminal, rapist, racist,
humourless, incompetent, disgusting,
cumulation of every sin, the worst parts of humanity,
weak, insecure, toxic masculinity,
make america great again:
piece
of
shit

is finished. done. blocked. banned
and cancelled.

i am hopeful for
arrested. convicted. incarcerated.

let us enjoy this new day
let the silence of his megaphone mouth
allow a nation to blink
its collective eyes,
stretch our ams and shake
the shared cobwebs from our
national psyche.

let us revel in the colourful diverse
pictures of the new cabinet on the .gov website
let us stand, nod and grin
at the signing of every executive order
that erases his wrath and legacy:
            pandemic relief
            mask mandates
            Immigration reform
            DACA
            revoking the travel ban
            ushering in diversity
            rejoining the paris accords
            WHO
            enforcing environmental regulations
            endorsing science
            engaging climate change
            no more money for the wall
            closing down the 1776 commission

i told you i was rudderless tonight.

i will stay up until midnight
because of my timezone,
i will be tempted to stand
and sing along with lady gaga
hand on heart,
but i won’t.
even though i will witness
history—
the first woman of color
to be elected as vice president—
my heart is always with kapernick:
it will take more than an inauguration
of a centrist president and his prosecuting attorney
to gain back my trust.

but for a few minutes around midnight,
i will sit in the darkness
and relish the fact that we avoided
a close call with fascism.

it’s been a while since i have felt anything but
shame. embarrassment. guilt.
about our nation,
so i will try pride on for a while.

let them gather in their chat rooms
and storm the capitol.
let them cry their conspiracy theories.

this is our country too and
we are ready to take the wheel.