The Fervor and The Peace

“Darling, remember when you come to me
I'm the pretender and I, what I'm supposed to be
But who could know if I'm a traitor
Time's the Revelator”


Gillian Welch


I was a blur at work today. I wouldn’t have recognized myself, even if I had two minutes to look in a mirror. I was running from the second I arrived on campus. I don’t share these list of events to brag. I am not sure why I share them. I am not saying that everyone in the world is not just as busy. I am not promoting busyness as some sort of point of pride. It just helps me unwind to name the things that had me thinking and working and energised all day. I want to know what is responsible for this state of near collapse, as I sit with the wine and the soft guitar music soothing my soul.


It is through our work, our labor, physical or intellectual that we grow. The events of my day are not meant to be complaints or boasts, but simple acknowledgements for how I spend the seconds, minutes and hours of my life. I arrived a bit early at 7:25:

• Student of concern meeting. 
• Covered half a mentor class
• Ran to the Parent Coffee Morning I was facilitating. 
• Caught up on email
• Planned and re-planned the times and dates for the grade 6 trip to Tioman
• Met with one of the members of the grade 6 team for a check in
• Grabbed a salad to go for lunch
• Ran Daraja meeting (getting closer to assigning role and moving toward goal setting) 
• Taught two eighty minute classes
• Ran Off Tangent our literary magazine (One of the most student driven things I have ever done. They are simply amazing) 
• Came home read with Skyelar
• Listened to Kaia’s Math homeshare
• Had dinner. 
• Got over guilt of not running. 
• Got kids ready for bed and sat with them to fall asleep
• Sent off a few emails
• Started to organize some Movember stuff

• and now…the music is quiet. Not much left to so but stare at some entertainment. Something from Netflix or youtube. 
• Read a few pages and sleep. 

Tomorrow is Friday and we have a great dinner planned. The weekend is upon us, and as we march into November, I am reminded of the Redwoods from the summer. The hours on the road. The streets of Bend, Oregon. The cabin. The calm. The rest. The ease.


I am grateful to have both- The fervor and the peace.

Soul-less Data

I operated in a fog today. We had a teacher only day where we mostly worked in small groups to find evidence for accreditation. It was not fun or engaging work in anyway, and while working with Udi, Ian and Anne Marie is normally quiet thought provoking, today it was just a series of menial tasks that needed to get done. We didn’t, and I wasn’t in the mood, to have any interesting conversations about learning or life or anything. We simply copied and pasted documents into a template for a report.


What if this was your job? I know for many people it is. No kids. No teaching. No planning, No learning. Just data. Raw and necessary but with little soul.


But maybe, the monotony of the task matched my mood. I was no longer sick, but I had little energy for anything. During our PD days, our school is committed to having two hour wellness sessions, where teachers put on activities and we can take part in the name of well being.


There are things like art or exercise, but I usually do whatever Richard Nies is hosting- last time it was Texas Hold’em and today it was watching Monday Night football. It was a god awful game where the 49ers crushed the Rams in one of the worst offensive displays I have ever seen. I’m not sure watching the Niners win is good for my well being, because it actually made me a little sick, but it was a nice break in the middle of the day.


Did I mention that The Raiders are undefeated right now? One could say one of the best teams in the league. And one should.


Back home I was back in HOG mode- planning units, setting up presentations and just getting things done. Looking forward to getting back into the flow. I still feel I am recovering from my trip to CA, but a three day week and another weekend should get me back on track.


…


About to watch the first episode of Atlanta- Donald Glover’s new show and I am pretty excited. I love his work in Community as well as his music as Childish Gambino. Super talented dude, so I am sure that whatever he touches turns to gold.


Wilco has a new album out that I want to explore and they just did a three night stint at The Fillmore in SF. Damn! I miss good live music. We get a few okay shows here in Singapore, but no three night stints by Wilco.

Sweet Sweet Sleep

Well that was a week!
Holy smokes.


Not only did I somehow survive, I actually shredded and burned after school, to the point where my muscles are sore and I feel a bit crushed. Thanks for that Mairin. Great idea.


Why wouldn’t I want to do “plank jumping jacks” after returning from a whirlwind trip to CA and a crazy week of assemblies, meetings and coffee mornings? But no matter how exhausting this week was, it was all worth it and rewarding. This level of intensity would not be possible if we all didn’t love what we do.


After getting home and taking a shower, it quickly became apparent that there was no way we would be going to a friend’s house for some drinks, and even getting through a few episodes of Orange Is The New Black feels a bit strenuous.


The three day weekend is here and it couldn’t have come at a better time. It’s not even nine, pyjamas are on, and I might even be too tired for wine. I’m looking forward to crawling into bed and giving in to the sweet sweet sleep.

Unwilling

Some nights I want to sit at this machine, stare at the blank page and create magic. I hope that it will just come pouring out, some kind of inspirational BS that people relate to. Or maybe I just need the space and time to stir myself around with words, so I can settle in for the night and watch the particles settle back down in the still water.


But on some nights, the words demand too much care. Too much attention. There is a level of effort that comes from making sense. Of creating meaning. Of carving out….see? Sometimes the words just don’t come. They are entrenched into the bedrock, unwilling to shine.


Tonight, is one of those nights- the ideas are like swirling dust in a storm. I want to gather them. To capture them and wrap them with syntax, but the conflicting metaphors becoming confusing. The very act of slowing down and writing becomes too tedious a chore and on nights like this, the work is not for anyone to read. Words that are forced seldom become relatable or even readable. But when you make a promise to give it a go every night, then some of them will be duds.


I would love to breath and relax and slow down and do the work, but honestly I just need to watch some Seth Meyers, reconnect with the absurdity of the world, maybe read and get to sleep. I am not jet lagged, but the switching of my million hats has me spinning, to the point where I am not sure where I will land.


…


We had our first Off Tangent Lit magazine meeting today and we had 20+ students show up. We did some introductory exercises and I saw one girl smiling from ear-to-ear and actually pump her fists as we spoke about the purpose of the magazine- to inspire and empower young readers and writers who love words and stories. I am so proud of the community we created last year and this new group feels just as inspirational. The young leaders we trained were back this year and looking focused and learned and determined. There is nothing like student empowerment and passion. We do more teaching in this activity than most of our classes. So glad to be working on something I love with Paula again this year.


…


Been messing with Ghost in You by The Psychedelic Furs, and even though I am basically talking through the song, it feels nice to get my fingers around it.


…


Friday of a three day weekend up ahead and looking forward to some downtime that doesn’t involve killing time in an airport or an airplane.

Kite-Like

Either I wasn’t paying much attention to what my week would look like after I came back from California, or I didn’t take it seriously enough. Either way it has been a bit of sink or swim. I think I have my head above water, but it might be too soon to call.


Had a grade level meeting that I ran today after school, then a grade 6 assembly in the morning, and a parent coffee morning on Friday. The presentations and activities are coming together. The video is mostly ready, will have to add a few clips I wasn’t able to shoot in the morning, but it is coming together.


And less than a month to plan/design my workshops and Learning 2 Talk for Learning 2.0. Deep breath. It will all come together. It will all be fine.


Three day weekend coming up and Mairin and I were talking about taking the kids to see Captain Fantastic, because…..why not? Can’t wait to see what Kaia thinks. In other news, we were back at the skate park tonight and it felt good to be back on my wheels. No major falls and the wrists are feeling good.


I had an entire post ready in my head about brand loyalty, but too many work tasks and slideshows have melted those words into the far reaches of my brain. It’s time for some Dave Eggers (His latest book by the way is OFF THE HOOK) I am in love with every sentence.


I feel disconnected and unmoored. This is not necessarily an uncomfortable feeling right now. Feel like a kite adrift, waiting to have my string pulled or to crash into a tree. For the time being, I will enjoy the view and try to catch a breeze.

Normalising Grief

One of our six graders was lost today; he couldn’t find his Science classroom and it was well past the start of class. He was sort of spinning in circles with his crumpled time-table in his paws and tears welling up in his eyes, when I walked over and offered to help. I walked him to the right place, while chatting him up about being new to the school and how scary and big it can feel, but also pointing out how there is a logic to the place. I explained the blocks and the floors and pointed out the signage that can help him in the future.


I dropped him off at class with hi-fives and big smiles all around- sent off a quick note to his mentor so he knows that this boy is a bit fragile at the moment. On my way back downstairs another sixth grader couldn’t get his locker open. After some quick research, I found out that he had the numbers switched around, to his delight we got it open with the correct combination.


Later in class I talked to a few kids about slowing down as they read, while a few need to speed up. We talked about deep thinking and stamina. We shared some ideas how we find Comfort, Just Right and Stretch books.


Cindy has mentioned that we should try and normalise human emotions, so I told my students that I am in the process of grieving Karen’s death. I explained how I might be distracted and sad, but I will try my best to be there for them.


Today was a day of vague distraction and dedicated focus to work. I tried my best to smile and be there for the kids who needed directions or help opening a locker. Occasionally I would forget. Other times I would remember.


The next few weeks are a mess of commotion. I need to start preparing for a conference in which I am presenting in Vietnam. I need to book tickets and prepare a talk and a workshop. There is a good chance I will be flying home to celebrate Karen’s life with her friends and family. I want to be with them in that house. Crying and laughing and eating. Forgetting and remembering.


So for now, I will take it one day at time. Spent way too much time working tonight. Blasting through my to-do list. It is a welcome distraction, but one I know I cannot maintain.


Tomorrow, there will be other kids feeling lonely or scared or nervous. Some might be grieving or dealing with divorce or shame or joy and happiness. It is my job to be there. To watch. To listen. To help. To guide. To teach.

Celebrate

I don’t want to overstate how good this wine tastes or how good this loud music sounds. The combination at 9:51 on a Wednesday night during the first week of school is extremely satisfying.

I am listening to the Neon Lights playlist on Spotify and the band Foals is pretty damn good. Neon Lights is a two day music festival here in Singapore and Foals along with Sigur Ros is a headlining band. Lee and I went last year and loved the festival and will be going again this year for sure. I recommend you join us.


This is sounding like a trend, but today was another fast paced day. Lot’s of thinking, meeting, writing, teaching, discussing, negotiating, problem solving and running up and down the stairs. It’s days like this that make me feel grateful that I have job that puts me in contact with so many dedicated and amazing people. From the little grade 6 girl telling me about how she uses writing to push her thinking about books, to the team members who will passionately discuss assessment and conceptual learning for hours. There is no one I deal with on a daily basis who is phoning it in.

It can be exhausting to work in such a place, but I wouldn’t trade it in for anything. We run. We work hard. But at the end of the day, the quiet and the wine and the music wash it all away. The to-do lists are cleared. The plans are set. The issues resolved. The eBriefs written. The emails answered. And on some nights they must be left for the next day. And this is okay too.

I am thinking back to a night walking around lake WhatCom with Ari. The sun was low and peach and the lake was filled with wind and energy. We spoke about a lot of things, but celebration was the topic we landed on.

We shared the idea of living a life of celebration. Not in the cliche way with balloons and parties, but looking at celebrating as a reflection of awareness and gratitude. Celebration is the promise you make to yourself to be awake and grateful. We talked about living lives of perpetual celebration. Even the grief and ache and tiredness we encounter deserves it’s own quiet celebration. Even in death, a life deserves celebration.

So cheers everyone. The summer is over and the work has begun, but remember this is the work of the heart. It is the work we have chosen and we are lucky to do it. Celebrate it however you can.

"I celebrate myself, and sing myself,
And what I assume you shall assume,
For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you. "

Uncle Walt

Sper Sweet

Wow! That last hour was intense. Wrote some pretty lengthy emails about school stuff. Followed by writing up some materials to get kids excited, and hopefully signed up for our Daraja trip in late January. (If any teachers at UWCSEA want to go on the tip as a paying participant, pleas let me know. You can ask Claire, Jenn, Paula, Shruti, and Georgina how great it is!

Anyway, my eyes are shot and my brain is mush. I was able to squeeze a run in today, but it felt like crap. I have not run for so long that getting ready for another half-marathon in December feels like torture. My run today was short and slow. I barely could get to 4km without walking and finished with a miserable 6km.

But it is back on the regiment. Although I was weeping and achy, it felt good to slow down my brain and push the school thoughts out for a while.

Now it is time for a tall glass of water, perhaps some wine, chocolate and reading for a while. It has only been two days, but I am looking forward to getting a work-flow organized that doesn’t feel so frantic and urgent. At the moment it feels like it all has to be done right now. And I am pretty sure that is not sustainable.

It was good to teach today. With all the administrative stuff taking up mental real estate, it was refreshing to remind myself why any of us do what we do. We love kids. Teaching and learning.

My classes were super sweet and I am falling in love with grade 6.

Oh and Learning 2 is around the corner. 

First Day

That was a pretty good first day. Students seemed happy. Teachers weren’t too flustered and all in all, it couldn’t have gone much better. There were a few hiccups, but that is to be expected. It felt weird not to have my own mentor group and that quality time getting to know kids individually or as a group, but it was also pretty great to roam and problem solve and make sure that teachers had what they needed to have a good day. I ran an assembly that went okay and the day all went by pretty fast.


I might be getting addicted to striking things off To-Do lists. This is definitely a pretty big shift for me, but I can see the future and I think I like it.


As for our own kids, they had a good day. They were very excited about their friends and teachers and raring to go back tomorrow.


I love the feeling of a well spent summer followed by the buzz of being back at school. I know it is only the first Monday in August, but I am so happy and proud to work at our school. A big thank you to all my friends and co-workers for making UWCSEA the amazing place that it is. It is a pleasure to see you all everyday.


Gonna keep this short, because I passed up a free ticket to see Weezer tonight, because I had to do some actual lesson planning for the classes I will teach tomorrow, and I am loving this Krakauker book. I need some time to just get lost in the words, even though they are frustrating and anger inducing as all hell.

What A Girl Is

Everyone says that learning from mistakes is the best way to learn, but it can be frustrating as hell, especially when you look back at the mistake and it feels idiotic and so obvious. I guess the key is not to repeat the mistake you learn from. Today was a pretty mellow day of putting out my first tiny fire, with success I might add, and making sure that our team is ready for tomorrow. There are only so many times you can check and double check the details and I am pretty sure we are good to go.


Whether as a kid or a teacher, I have always loved the first day of school. And now as a parent there is an added level of excitement. It is such a time of hope and positive energy. Seeing old friends, meeting new teachers, we all set such lofty goals. There is a buzz in the air throughout the day, and it is a buzz that fuels me.


…


Didn’t get up to much today. Took the girls to basketball and apparently after Skye lost control of the ball while dribbling in a scrimmage, some little boy made a comment about how she’s not strong enough to play basketball. What the hell right? Where does this masculinity come from that is so determined to put down girls?


Kaia and Skye fell in love with this show on the Disney channel called Liv and Maddie this summer. It is cute and funny and sends a pretty good message. The other day there was an episode about how boys rate girls at school and the main characters creates a song telling boys that girls aren’t a “number” and that they don’t need the boys’ unsolicited advice. So after today’s incident Skye was able to make the connection with what that boy said and the lyrics from What a Girl Is:


“On a scale from 1 to 10, I am perfect like I am.
I don't need your number, we don't need your number.
And the stupid magazines, want me to change my everything.
It don't even matter, they're not taking my power.
I'm so over all of these voices around,
They've said enough it's my turn let's get loud.
I'll show you what a girl is, 'cause all of me is perfect.”


We were putting together some Lego and listening to the song and she said, “Next time, I will just tell the boy that I don’t need your opinion, thank you. Please just leave me alone.” #thatsmygirl


In somewhat related news, I am reading Jon Krakauer’s late about rape culture on college campuses and Mairin and I decided that the girls need to go to an all girls' school. My god! What a world women need to navigate. Good thing Skye is starting early by taking control of her body.


…


After some work at school, basketball practice, and making Lego, we headed out to a quick dinner at Brewerkz and the girls were asleep by 7:30. Now it is time to relax a bit before the big day.


I was talking to my mom today about all the weird mojo in my universe right now and the pain and suffering so many people around me are experiencing and she said, “It can be hard to face, but this is it. This is life. No one says it is easy, but we live it and try to make our way as best we can. Have a good conversation with yourself and ground yourself so you can move on.”

I Believe In Learning

At one point in the late 90’s I was living in a bit of a dump in SOMA in San Francisco. It was a house on an alley called Natoma off sixth street, a few blocks south of Market. Sixth street at the time, and I assume even now, was filled with bars, pornography shops, homeless people and trash. I once saw a man do a #2 in the gutter at 11am on a Tuesday. It was cheap so we lived there. It somehow made me feel Bukowskian, which was necessary at the age of 25.


I was bussing tables at Planet Hollywood, which if you don’t know is a kind of Clockwork Orangesque torture. The money was okay, but I was tired of watching the servers make all the money, while I busted my hump for a fraction of their tips. I wanted to be a server. My time as the dish clearer was over. Problem was I didn’t have much (any) experience.


One day I saw an ad for a waiter job at Kulletos. A trendy touristy Italian place on Powell street in Union Square. At the time I thought it was a pretty fancy place. They had entrees priced in the $20 range and all the waiters wore ties and white coats. Although I had little to no waiting experience and knew little to nothing about food or wine, I decided to get my resume together and go down for an interview. I can’t recall now what I said or how I convinced the manager to give me the job, but she did and within a few days I started.


I was a fish out of water. But I learned quickly. I watched and listened and eventually I got pretty good at waiting tables. I found mentors and learned from people like Jim, Ken and Wayne. Within a few months I was picking up dinner shifts, then Friday and Saturday nights and within the year I had a veteran's schedule. I was training people and by the end of my run at the restaurant, I even had a few floor manager shifts.


I took this experience with me to NYC and got a job at a top fine dining restaurant called Aquavit. It was not uncommon for a couple to drop $2000 at this place. It was run by Marcus Samuelsson, an up-and-coming chef back then, who is now a bit of a celebrity.


What’s my point? Why am I telling you this story at this time? Because I feel like I my new role as Head of Grade might be a bit like my first few weeks at Kullettos. I interviewed well and I am in the position, but I feel like a fish out of water.


But here’s the thing- I love it. I love the feeling of gathering confidence and jumping right in. I love the feeling of just doing it until you get it right. Even back then, even though I didn’t know about wine, I knew I could learn. I understood I would have to learn how to talk to tables. I knew that I would figure it out. I have always believed in myself enough to know that there is nothing that I can’t learn on the job.


I believe in learning.


I have faith not just in myself, but in my ability to work hard and achieve success. There are many other times when I have just thrown in my hat into an application process assuming I would learn as I go. Because I believe in learning.


While some people might wait until they are 100% qualified or confident, I prefer to grab what I want and apply the pressure and learn things by doing them.


Today was hard. This week has been overwhelming. My mindset is very different to what it was at the start of last year, when my biggest concern was getting my class set-up. I have stepped back and I see so many other moving parts, and to be honest I am not sure how to deal with them all.


When should I make an executive decision? When should I ask for clarification? When should I take charge? When should I listen and build consensus? When should I stay up and get that first week slide show done? When should I rest and allow myself to get to it tomorrow?


I love it. There is a vibrancy that comes from sink or swim. There is a spark that comes from jumping into the unknown and having enough faith in learning to know that although you might not know the difference between a Pinot and a Merlot, you will learn. And although you might feel a bit nervous running a meeting, you will lead many more and the people will respond.


This bravado should not be mistaken for arrogance. There is a beauty to a humble confidence. But every once in a while, it needs to be let out to spread its wings and strut about a bit. Take the mic and spit some rhymes. Every once in a while you need to look in the mirror and tell yourself, “you got this. You will learn as you go."

Terror and Wonder

A Day In Four Acts


Act I


Swallowed my doubt and anxiety and took Tricia's advice to just think of my meetings like the many workshops I have led, and to see my team like the many teachers I have taught throughout the years in various roles.


I headed into school and got to thinking and planning and building a meeting. Not sure if I will get to everything or if I am making too big a deal about this, but I want to try and make at least a few of my meetings like workshops and experiences. There is nothing more precious to a teacher than time, so if we are going to decide to meet then that time should be spent feeling something, learning something or making some sound and necessary decisions.


I have sat through my share of uninspired meetings, and while I know that you cannot please everyone, or that not every meeting should be life-changing, it is important to try different things that will make the participants feel valued and appreciated. You want people to look forward to your meetings, so that even when they are feeling frantic or tired, they still come energized and ready to work and move toward whatever goal you had set at the start.


I’m still not sure how this will all go, but I am pretty excited to be trying it and learning from my mistakes. After four years at UWCSEA it is time for me to shake things up and I am feeling pretty great about the next few days, weeks, and the year as a whole.


Act II


I got some terrible news about someone I love who is in a lot of pain and suffering greatly. This is not my story to tell, so I will not share many details. But it was hard to hear the news, because it reminded me how powerless we are to help the people we love when they are in pain. The next few days will be touch and go and this news will weigh heavy on everything I do, but it has reminded me how important it is not to sweat the small stuff.


When all is said and done, so many of our trivial worries and issues are meaningless. When you look at life as a whole, and really ponder things like our purpose here, the meaning of our lives, the relationships that we build and the love that we share, nothing else should matter.


Today was a dark one as my mind flickered back and forth from the reality of my job and the work I love to do and the thoughts of this person.


I don't know how to feel.


Act III


After I got home from work and settled in a bit, Mairin asked if I could go to the store and grab a few things we had forgotten. Seeing that I am sick of driving and have done little exercise all summer, I decided to take my skateboard. I strapped on the headphones and made my way along the sidewalks.


Seeing that I was feeling a bit down all day, I thought about the music that makes me feel young and alive and the first band that came to mind was Jane’s Addiction. I hit play on Three Days and cruised to the store. Careful not to crash or hit a curb, I am still not a competent skater, I am feeling more comfortable on the board. Bend your knees. Lean forward. That’s it. Relax.


Act IV


Nothing. Numb. Watched some TV with the girls while Mairin unpacked and made dinner. I felt guilty again for not helping out, but I couldn’t bring myself to do anything. I must make an effort to insist on doing more of my share around the house.


I am in Skye’s room waiting for her to sleep and the night is quiet and young. I have little imagination for its possibilities. Perhaps some reading, a beer, TV and a yearning back to the dream I had last night- a bizarre Fellini inspired wonderland that had me terrified and laughing at every turn.


It’s hard to believe that we are all filled with such terror and wonder. We put on the cloths, brush the teeth, comb the hair, become the professionals, do the jobs, maintain society, but inside? Inside, there is so much more.


All of us with wings.
All of us with wings.
All of us with wings…

Anxious

“Oh my god. I don’t feel like writing this crap.” He mumbled to himself as he pulled out the laptop and felll into bed. It was just before midnight and he had had a pretty long day. He attended two meetings about how to run meetings and he was nervous and anxious about what his first meeting would look like. He had been asked to think about what his leadership style would look like and how he would set the tone for the year.

As he settled into bed to crank out his 221st post of the year, he didn’t know where to start. He had just come home from a small get together at a friend's house and the exhaustion coupled with the beers made him feel loose and free, but still unsure of how to capture his many contradictory thoughts.

He tried to remember the moments in the day that warranted attention. The only one that stuck was when he was in his classroom at the end of the day, the first time he had to respond to a few emails and gather his thoughts. A colleague walked by and popped in to say hello and ask about his summer. They played the obligatory game of catch up until the conversation landed on his anxiety about his first meeting on Wednesday. She was on his team, and one of the recipients of his newly forming “leadership style.”

“Just be you and it will be great.” She said smiling.

“But I am not sure which version of me people will respond to best.”

“Yes you do. Just be you and stop stressing.”

“But this is a two hour meeting. That is a lot of time to assume I can can fill with being me.”

“You know what to do. You’ll be great.”

She walked out and he sat in his room alone, thinking about what she had said. He still didn’t have a clear picture of what this meeting would look like, but he knew that he would figure it out, because she was right, being himself had always been enough.

Later in bed, as he was writing he wasn’t sure if he could continue to be so open and vulnerable with his writing. Maybe people had different expectations of what he would say, share, write…who he could be. This caused more anxiety.

Maybe these big career changes were not the best idea. But in his heart he knew that he would learn what he needed to learn and that when it was all said and done he would have grown and learned and that he would be enough.

He didn’t want to write this crap after the first day of school and a social gather, but the words just came spilling out and now he was ready for sleep. 

Vacancy of Days

The hardest part is knowing where to start. Usually the music greases the wheels and makes it easier. These days it’s Carrie and Lowell by Sufan Stevens that gets me to the spot where I feel ready to say something about something. The blank page defeated by an inaugural sentence.

A few minutes ago I tweeted the following:

The #whenIwas hashtag should be an eye opening, somber look at what it means to deal with @EverydaySexism. Something most men never face.

It is filled with disturbing sexist comments many women face as young as seven years old. It ranges from suggestive sexual advances forced upon children to flagrant outdated remarks about what is and what is not acceptable for girls-- apparently math and science seldom fit this bill. On this hashtag women share stories of being cat called or spoken to about their sexuality as young as ten years old. It got me thinking about how ill-equipped Kaia is to deal with such disgusting suggestions. It got me thinking about the world she must learn to navigate and how different this world will be from my male-privileged course. 

As a young man, I was able to be and do whatever I wanted. There was no one leering at me or suggesting that my only value was sexual. There was no one passively aggressively hinting that I couldn’t do anything because of my gender. Sure there were unrealistic expectations of what it meant to be a man, but I still had the advantage of being a man.


The sadder and scarier point I want to make is that after I posted that tweet, several people immediately called me a faggot and hurled insults. There is this emerging dangerous culture of attacking people when they say what you don’t agree with online, and these attacks more and more often are directed at women or people who talk about equality and sexism.


I guess rather than getting discouraged, we have to stay vigilant. If I want my daughters to live in a world where they are not objectified or taken less seriously than their male counterparts, I have to keep speaking up and taking back our collective spaces. I think this standing firm is equally more important for men; we cannot leave this battle for women alone. We have to be in it together.

…

did you remember
that the vacancy of days
is where loved is stored?

…

My desk at work is such a crazy mess and every time I interact with it, I doubt whether or not I will be a good head of grade. I am hoping my ideas are more important than my organisational skills. I can do motivation and inspiration, I think, but administration is not my strong suit. I hope to try and clean it, the desk, tomorrow if I can make some time. I cleaned my inbox today, so that was a start.

I am also contemplating changes in my wardrobe for next year. How extreme will it need to be? More long sleeve shirts? Ties? Vests? Same-same? These are things I think about as I brush my teeth in the morning. Any ideas for new professional yet hip wardrobe choices are welcome in the comments below. Feel free to include photos and where items can be purchased. I am open to radical changes.