just write the damn thing
don’t over think it:
mention the food and drinks
and naps and records and puzzles
and movies and how you find joy in sadness
and how sadness brings you joy
and mention gratitude and the easy
contentment lurking just beneath the surface,
within reach: so close you can almost touch it
and feel its warmth as it tucks you into bed
with a good book and the promise of another
day of rest and a week after that and then a whole
new year to get better at being better and finding
that elusive meaning that might help you fit into your skin
and look in the mirror and make it all make sense.
Showing posts with label christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label christmas. Show all posts
December 25, 2021
359/365
December 24, 2021
358/365
breathe in these
moments as they pass.
we are here. together.
a unit, a little of the same
on this special night. too old
for letters and cookies: but the tree
twinkles, the gifts are wrapped,
food is prepped, reservations are made.
she carries the weight of expectation
as she does every year. a wink
a blink. a glimmer of light. here’s
to hoping we’ll get it right.
December 25, 2016
Toys
I don’t normally write my daily post this early, it is only 4:15, but the house is tame and we are out to dinner with free flow drinks, so I won’t be in any shape later to write anything decent, and seeing that this is a Christmas post, I owe it more than a few drunken lines.
The girls are so excited to take a bath. They are in the tub with dolls and bath salts, as if this simple act is the greatest thing they have done all year. We have a tiny tub in our bathroom and no one ever uses it, expect for right now and man are they excited.
Mairin is taking a nap poor thing. She has been working so hard to finish off the school year, keep our family afloat, make a great X-mas for everyone and writing a paper for her masters course, among a million other things. She has been a true champion and her down time today has been well earned.
But it’s not like I have been doing anything to pick up the slack as there has been little slack to pick up…our day has been mellow.
Late wake up, 8:30am both kids, and opening presents. Lots of big ticket items this year, but feels like it was all useful stuff. We are now the proud owners of an X-Box One- not sure how a new gaming console is going to play out in our house, in terms of screen time and what not, but we were due. So far a few simple games and the kids are excited about Minecraft. The console came with The Division, an M18 post apocalyptic game set in NYC; I am a bit nervous about how much of my time this might take. I will proceed with caution.
The girls played. Mairin watched Gilmore Girls whilst sipping Prosecco and I watched the Raider game. Oh boy. What a game. It was amazing to see them dominating for a while and then bam! Just like that Carr out indefinitely. Trying not to let the injury affect my mood, but man 2016- You’re really killing me. It’s a team sport and we have a great team, but McGloin will have to be a super hero to pull this off. Now we see what happens in the next few weeks.
After the game, the girls messed around with my new amp. Then I had a few strums. I am excited to have my old Gibson out and resting in a stand next to this little amp. Looking forward to trying to learn a few solos and upping my guitar game in 2017. Anyone have any tips: video tutorials you love, scales I need to learn, online courses etc…would be great. Joel, Mike, Jeff, Roderick?
That’s about it. Mellow day playing with toys. I know it’s not the material things that are meant to be the focus, but let’s be real, until we (our family) chooses to do things differently, it feels nice to have some things that we enjoy. I feel that we didn’t over due it with junk this year and that eases my consumerist anxieties. And now, we are off to spend quality time with friends and eat some great food and drink some good drinks.
All in all this has been a fabulous Christmas day. I hope that no matter where you are, you are warm and safe and happy and spending time with your friends and family and maybe playing with a small toy that gets you excited.
The girls are so excited to take a bath. They are in the tub with dolls and bath salts, as if this simple act is the greatest thing they have done all year. We have a tiny tub in our bathroom and no one ever uses it, expect for right now and man are they excited.
Mairin is taking a nap poor thing. She has been working so hard to finish off the school year, keep our family afloat, make a great X-mas for everyone and writing a paper for her masters course, among a million other things. She has been a true champion and her down time today has been well earned.
But it’s not like I have been doing anything to pick up the slack as there has been little slack to pick up…our day has been mellow.
Late wake up, 8:30am both kids, and opening presents. Lots of big ticket items this year, but feels like it was all useful stuff. We are now the proud owners of an X-Box One- not sure how a new gaming console is going to play out in our house, in terms of screen time and what not, but we were due. So far a few simple games and the kids are excited about Minecraft. The console came with The Division, an M18 post apocalyptic game set in NYC; I am a bit nervous about how much of my time this might take. I will proceed with caution.
The girls played. Mairin watched Gilmore Girls whilst sipping Prosecco and I watched the Raider game. Oh boy. What a game. It was amazing to see them dominating for a while and then bam! Just like that Carr out indefinitely. Trying not to let the injury affect my mood, but man 2016- You’re really killing me. It’s a team sport and we have a great team, but McGloin will have to be a super hero to pull this off. Now we see what happens in the next few weeks.
After the game, the girls messed around with my new amp. Then I had a few strums. I am excited to have my old Gibson out and resting in a stand next to this little amp. Looking forward to trying to learn a few solos and upping my guitar game in 2017. Anyone have any tips: video tutorials you love, scales I need to learn, online courses etc…would be great. Joel, Mike, Jeff, Roderick?
That’s about it. Mellow day playing with toys. I know it’s not the material things that are meant to be the focus, but let’s be real, until we (our family) chooses to do things differently, it feels nice to have some things that we enjoy. I feel that we didn’t over due it with junk this year and that eases my consumerist anxieties. And now, we are off to spend quality time with friends and eat some great food and drink some good drinks.
All in all this has been a fabulous Christmas day. I hope that no matter where you are, you are warm and safe and happy and spending time with your friends and family and maybe playing with a small toy that gets you excited.
December 24, 2016
Joy
Tonight, as I sit typing on this quiet Christmas Eve, waiting for the kids to fall asleep, so we can wrap the presents and put them under the tree, I want to write about joy.
Anyone reading my posts the last few weeks, may have noticed a lack of joyful posts. The reasons for my somber posts should have already been made clear, so tonight I will not dwell on the past, but focus on the present- this moment. Tonight. And the meaning of joy.
I want to write about how joy is sometimes the simple awareness of reality. I am not one prone to elation. I've had my moments, but my times of pure jubilation are not too common. I am not sure how others receive or spread joy. I am a quiet about it and seldom make a fuss. This reserved behavior might be mistaken for joylessness or worse a quiet despair, this is not, in fact, true
Let me tell you about today’s joy:
At lunch, Kaia was asking about the nativity story. Marin and I did our best to fill in the blanks. It was a hodge-podge retelling for sure and I felt the need to add some historic context about how the Romans had occupied Israel and a few details about the crucifixion that had Skyelar pretty freaked out, but Kaia seemed interested.
The conversation spilled over into our walk to the movies: We talked Genesis and the Bible; Kaia was a bit taken aback that according to Christians, only people who accept Jesus as their personal savior are allowed into heaven. We spoke about sin and Islam and the patriarchy. We spoke about Greek myths and the power of folklore and storytelling, we spoke of ancient people and how Science has revealed so many thing we didn’t know about in the past. We spoke of evolution and the big bang, of Persian culture, and the invasion of Muslims to Iran in the 1300s. We spoke of Farsi and traditions. We spoke a lot. She asked many questions and pondered in the silences.
“I just don’t understand why so many people think they are right, when they can’t all be right. Why not just try to accept the fact that we are all different? ” This brings me joy.
The AC in our car is broken. Today as we drove home in the rain, the inside of our car felt like a furnace. The windows were fogged up, we were sweating and a horn heavy Diana Krall X-mas carol had me wishing for death. We were tired and cranky, but as I sat there sweating my mind drifted to the many chappa rides I endured in Mozambique. I thought back to the hours and miles I collected suffering quietly in the name of adventure.
I thought about how soft I have become in my old age. Sitting in the comfort of my own car, with my family, complaining about the heat. This somersault of the past and the present brought me joy.
We watched the Griswald Christmas Vacation movie tonight and Mairin was a bit nervous that it would be inappropriate, and oh boy was it. The language. The weird sexual innuendoes. All of it was weird and fun and magical. Our kids are so sheltered sometimes that it was fun to discuss what it means to “shit bricks.”
We watched the movie. I had a glass of wine in my new red wine glass, no more plastic cups for me. We ate cookies and laughed and relaxed. This brings me joy.
Joy is not a state of ecstasy for me. Joy is being awake to my life as it passes by. Small photographs and memories. Tiny dreams come true. The realization that this is life. Everyday. Everything. It is all here to enjoy and devour and ponder and live through.
I hope that you are able to glimpse a few of these moments, and capture the fleeting flakes of joy as they fall around you.
Anyone reading my posts the last few weeks, may have noticed a lack of joyful posts. The reasons for my somber posts should have already been made clear, so tonight I will not dwell on the past, but focus on the present- this moment. Tonight. And the meaning of joy.
I want to write about how joy is sometimes the simple awareness of reality. I am not one prone to elation. I've had my moments, but my times of pure jubilation are not too common. I am not sure how others receive or spread joy. I am a quiet about it and seldom make a fuss. This reserved behavior might be mistaken for joylessness or worse a quiet despair, this is not, in fact, true
Let me tell you about today’s joy:
At lunch, Kaia was asking about the nativity story. Marin and I did our best to fill in the blanks. It was a hodge-podge retelling for sure and I felt the need to add some historic context about how the Romans had occupied Israel and a few details about the crucifixion that had Skyelar pretty freaked out, but Kaia seemed interested.
The conversation spilled over into our walk to the movies: We talked Genesis and the Bible; Kaia was a bit taken aback that according to Christians, only people who accept Jesus as their personal savior are allowed into heaven. We spoke about sin and Islam and the patriarchy. We spoke about Greek myths and the power of folklore and storytelling, we spoke of ancient people and how Science has revealed so many thing we didn’t know about in the past. We spoke of evolution and the big bang, of Persian culture, and the invasion of Muslims to Iran in the 1300s. We spoke of Farsi and traditions. We spoke a lot. She asked many questions and pondered in the silences.
“I just don’t understand why so many people think they are right, when they can’t all be right. Why not just try to accept the fact that we are all different? ” This brings me joy.
The AC in our car is broken. Today as we drove home in the rain, the inside of our car felt like a furnace. The windows were fogged up, we were sweating and a horn heavy Diana Krall X-mas carol had me wishing for death. We were tired and cranky, but as I sat there sweating my mind drifted to the many chappa rides I endured in Mozambique. I thought back to the hours and miles I collected suffering quietly in the name of adventure.
I thought about how soft I have become in my old age. Sitting in the comfort of my own car, with my family, complaining about the heat. This somersault of the past and the present brought me joy.
We watched the Griswald Christmas Vacation movie tonight and Mairin was a bit nervous that it would be inappropriate, and oh boy was it. The language. The weird sexual innuendoes. All of it was weird and fun and magical. Our kids are so sheltered sometimes that it was fun to discuss what it means to “shit bricks.”
We watched the movie. I had a glass of wine in my new red wine glass, no more plastic cups for me. We ate cookies and laughed and relaxed. This brings me joy.
Joy is not a state of ecstasy for me. Joy is being awake to my life as it passes by. Small photographs and memories. Tiny dreams come true. The realization that this is life. Everyday. Everything. It is all here to enjoy and devour and ponder and live through.
I hope that you are able to glimpse a few of these moments, and capture the fleeting flakes of joy as they fall around you.
December 10, 2016
The Worst At Everything
According to the CIA, it looks like the Russians influenced the US elections, and when Trump heard this information he said, referring to the CIA, “These are the same guys who thought there were weapons of mass destruction.” It also look like his top choice for Secretary of State is the former CEO of Exxon, who has been frustrated by the sanctions put on Russia, because has had wanted to get a few oil projects going in Russia for years.
pol
At one point today I saw the president elect of the United States ask a crowd to cheer because they thought that Time magazine should still have a man of the year instead of a person of the year. This is our reality. Polls conducted by chanting and cheering from an ignorant, sexist mob, conducted by a sad old clown.This man is literally the worst at everything.
If this was the script to a movie, we would find it too implausible, but here we are a few weeks before we are living this meaningless nightmare.
In other news, Alt-Right toads, read as neo-nazis, are upset with the new Star Wars because the good guys are people of color and a girl, and the bad guys are white. Apparently they just realized the obvious parallels between the Empire and fascists. I for one am super excited to see it and get fired up and my rebellion on!
Today was a slow family day and it felt good. I was up on my foot a lot and it swelled up and hurt at times throughout the day, but we had a great lunch and then saw Sing. Such a cute movie.
Came home for a rest-up for everyone, then some mulled wine, vegan stuffing and cranberry sauce, and yes another viewing of Elf. The house was lit up all Christmas, and the girls snuggled their grandparents. it was calm and quiet and relaxing and life is coming back together. If only I could ignore the internet.
pol
At one point today I saw the president elect of the United States ask a crowd to cheer because they thought that Time magazine should still have a man of the year instead of a person of the year. This is our reality. Polls conducted by chanting and cheering from an ignorant, sexist mob, conducted by a sad old clown.This man is literally the worst at everything.
If this was the script to a movie, we would find it too implausible, but here we are a few weeks before we are living this meaningless nightmare.
In other news, Alt-Right toads, read as neo-nazis, are upset with the new Star Wars because the good guys are people of color and a girl, and the bad guys are white. Apparently they just realized the obvious parallels between the Empire and fascists. I for one am super excited to see it and get fired up and my rebellion on!
Today was a slow family day and it felt good. I was up on my foot a lot and it swelled up and hurt at times throughout the day, but we had a great lunch and then saw Sing. Such a cute movie.
Came home for a rest-up for everyone, then some mulled wine, vegan stuffing and cranberry sauce, and yes another viewing of Elf. The house was lit up all Christmas, and the girls snuggled their grandparents. it was calm and quiet and relaxing and life is coming back together. If only I could ignore the internet.
November 18, 2016
Another
It’s 12:12 am. Tom Joad by Bruce Springsteen is on my head phones. Not sure where that call came from.
“Welcome to the new world order. The highway is alive tonight and nobody is kidding anyone of where it’s going.”
Another old white racist is now the attorney general of the United States. The nightmare gets worse and more real with every passing day. No can believe what is happening, but America is headed into a dark tunnel and the disappearing speck of light is getting smaller and farther away. “If there is someone struggling to be free, look in their eyes ma and you’ll see me.”
We put up the Christmas tree tonight. The girls were excited. Kaia made warm milk with cinnamon as we laid on couch watching a Friday night movie. Headed to Lee and Cindy’s for a well deserved bottle of wine.
Today I taught kids that we are all Africans as we discussed evolution and the human family. It felt a dollar short and an hour too late, but it is in the curriculum so it might make the world a better place. I talked to a bully and told him to be nicer. I asked a victim to speak up.
I am back at work tomorrow for professional development on a Saturday, then again on Sunday.
My head is down and I'm working toward the December break. I can feel the ocean swallowing me as the sun caresses my darkening skin. Sand and slow hours. Afternoon cocktails and late afternoon naps. Another month. Another year. Another and another and then one more other.
“Welcome to the new world order. The highway is alive tonight and nobody is kidding anyone of where it’s going.”
Another old white racist is now the attorney general of the United States. The nightmare gets worse and more real with every passing day. No can believe what is happening, but America is headed into a dark tunnel and the disappearing speck of light is getting smaller and farther away. “If there is someone struggling to be free, look in their eyes ma and you’ll see me.”
We put up the Christmas tree tonight. The girls were excited. Kaia made warm milk with cinnamon as we laid on couch watching a Friday night movie. Headed to Lee and Cindy’s for a well deserved bottle of wine.
Today I taught kids that we are all Africans as we discussed evolution and the human family. It felt a dollar short and an hour too late, but it is in the curriculum so it might make the world a better place. I talked to a bully and told him to be nicer. I asked a victim to speak up.
I am back at work tomorrow for professional development on a Saturday, then again on Sunday.
My head is down and I'm working toward the December break. I can feel the ocean swallowing me as the sun caresses my darkening skin. Sand and slow hours. Afternoon cocktails and late afternoon naps. Another month. Another year. Another and another and then one more other.
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