Fairfax Nights

Today is the 180th day of 2016. That means I have written 180 blog posts this year alone. One every night since January 1st. This barrage of posts has taken the Intrepidflame total is up to1002 posts since 2006.


Yup, I started the blog ten years ago and since then I have written 1001 posts. The blog has experienced nearly 200,000 page views and has had over 2000 comments. I have a few hundred posts on Intrepid Teacher as well, a few thousand words on a memoir and a few thousand more on a YA novel. So what does all this mean? Is any of it complete or done or feel finished? Not really? Does it need to? I hope not.


Most of the posts have been ramblings and explorations, but looking back it is nice to see such a growing body of work. Who knows where this is all headed or if I will every finish either of the books, but in the mean time the 2016 posts just keep coming. Who knows maybe a collection of these posts could be a book of their own. I will just keep writing. Thank you for reading.

…

Spent tonight in Fairfax with Josh and Lacey. Our kids played and kept themselves busy, while we drank a few pints and caught up. It was so cool to watch Josh and Lacey run court in their community in Fairfax. The sun was low and the streets a subtle golden hue. We ate dinner and walked to the local ice cream shop. I admired the Fairfax weirdness and enjoyed my vegan ice cream, while I watched our kids hang out with my friends. it is so cool watching them build these relationships with such old friends. Being an only child, this is the closest I will get to brothers and the kids to uncles and cousins from my side of the "family."


Earlier today, we were at the Doherty house, and it was so cool watching Kaia play with Thomas as Skyelar hung out with and hugged Twinkle (Karen).


It’s good to be home.

…

I started this post with some stats, but I will be off-line for a few days as we head down to the Tassaraja Zen Center to visit my mom. This is a Buddhist center a few hours off the main road down by Carmel. I am looking forward to watching the girls hang out with my mom. I look forward to some beautiful hikes and some mellow good zenness.


I hope to continue writing, but I will not be able to post until we are back in civilization in Monetary in a few days.


Summer time and life is good. The sky is blue. The days are long. And there is little that needs to be done

I Need You. You See. To See Me

I spend a lot of time online. Anyone reading this post who knows me, and is on the receiving end of my firehose of content is probably shaking his or her head and saying no shit Jabiz! This is a confession of sorts, and attempt to curate what I  have been thinking. I have been thinking  a lot about my time, my needs, my connections, my networks, my friends, and so on ad infinitum. Let’s just say that I have been thinking. A lot.

I have never in my life been more “connected” than right now. I could riddle this post with a barrage of hyperlinks denoting the many pies into which my fingers are currently poked. I could send you, dear reader, on a scavenger hunt of content that I have created or am in the process of creating. Links to  posts, tweets, applications exalting the wonder of technology and connection, but as I sit here on my sofa with the nasally seductive voice of Colin Meloy crooning me into a state of comfortable obscurity, I'm left with one question- why do I feel so empty and alone? Isn't this global connectivity supposed to alleviate my solitude? Shouldn't my sharing bring me closer to you?

Is all of this narrating, curating, and sharing of my ideas, my mind, and my identity worthwhile? Is it making me happy? Is it having any effect on anything or anyone? This is not a post fishing for encouragement. Trust me I am okay in that department. I just wanted to breath some life into my doubts and see if they will swim.

There isn’t a single impetus for this sudden bout with languor; my life has always been a roller coaster of euphoria and ennui, and after a pretty steady run this train is now coasting through a low dark tunnel right now and demanding some attention. Fear not, I am used to this pendualm and am becomeing adept and dealing with it. Just watch, I bet I will be elated by the end of this post.

I cannot ignore the effects however of two documents that came into my life today. The first was this extraordinary article called, Five Emotions Invented By The Internet. This dark, I think satirical, but incredibly well-written treatise on Internet addiction jarred my thinking by holding a mirror up to some of my most obvious but best concealed anxieties about the effects of the digital age on my psyche. To read the post is to think that someone gathered my most embarrassing pettiness and pathetic need for connection and regurgitated it in perfect form for all to see. I should be thrilled to know that I am not alone in my pathetic isolation, but somehow realizing that others behave this way and that perhaps we are communally dealing with this issue of loneliness, because what other word could there be for it, saddened me even more.

Before I continue let me quote at length:

The state of being ‘installed’ at a computer or laptop for an extended period of time without purpose, characterized by a blurry, formless anxiety undercut with something hard like desperation. During this time the individual will have several windows open, generally several browser ‘tabs,’ a Microsoft Word document in some state of incompletion, the individual’s own Facebook page as well as that of another randomly-selected individual who may or may not be on the ‘friends’ list, 2-5 Gchat conversations that are no longer immediately active, possibly iTunes and a ‘client’ for Twitter. The individual will switch between the open applications/tabs in a fashion that appears organized but is functionally aimless, will return to reading some kind of ‘blog post’ in one browser tab and become distracted at the third paragraph for the third time before switching to the Gmail inbox and refreshing it again.

The behavior equates to mindlessly refreshing and ‘lozenging’ the same sources of information repeatedly. While performing this behavior the individual feels a sense of numb depersonalization, being calmly and pragmatically aware that they have no identifiable need to be at the computer nor are they gleaning any practical use from it at that moment, and the individual may feel vaguely uncomfortable or ashamed about this awareness in concert with the fact that they continue to perform the idle ‘refreshing’ behavior. They may feel increasingly anxious and needful, similar to the sensation of having an itch that needs scratching or a thirst that needs quenching, all while feeling as though they are calm or slightly bored.

I sadly now admit that I end nearly every night in this state. Sure I can justify my behavior by highlighting the mountains of meaningful content I create, but inevitably before I go to bed every night I install myself one last time to see what is shakin’ out there. I need you. You see. To see me. And I don't want that feeling anymore. I feel terrible about it every night, and after reading the article above,  I feel worse. I am a grown adult, so I have some control over this feeling of scouring an empty web looking for nourishment, but what of our students?

I am making a vow, that after my “work” online is finished, I will sign out and do something else. This could be time I could be reading or mediating. I could play some guitar, draw, perhaps bake a cake, anything but clicking through tabs like a hypnotized autistic chimp looking for...?  Don’t get me wrong I am not bothered by the amount of time I spend on the computer when I am writing blog posts, working on my book, listening to music, photography, or even engaged in valuable networking on Twitter and other online spaces. I enjoy sifting through my RSS and commenting on blogs etc…it is that last thirty minutes or so before I go to bed when all is said and done and I am still installed.

I am rambling now, but once again my textual confession has helped me cleanse. I will write more about the second reason I have been flying at half-mast today in subsequent posts. (Hint great new book.)

In an effort to end on a positive note, let me share this little gem as well:

The internet is at least partly us; we write it as well as read it, perform for it as well as watch it, create it as well as consume it. Watching TV is a solitary activity that feels like a communal one, while the Internet is a communal experience masquerading as solitude.

Maybe everything I said is wrong. Who knows? All I know is that issues of solitude, community connections, and identity are all confusing in the digital age.  We are all figuring it out together. I know that personally I must be aware of who I am and how I deal with my own reality and then, and only then can I deal with how it orbits around yours.

What do you think? How do you deal with you Internet Emotional issues? When is it all too much? I know balance is the key, but that cannot be the only answer to our every problem, if it were you think we would have solved our neuroses years ago.

I Won't Bite

I often receive anonymous comments here on Intrepid Flame, and I really wish I didn't. I am not sure what it is about signing your name to your words online that scares people, but I am hoping I can find a way to help alleiviate that anxiety.

The anonymous comments I receive are not spiteful, quite the contrary- they are often very kind and emotional. The purpose of maintaining a blog, sorry let me not sound so universal, the purpose of this blog is to share my inner battles with life- the joys, struggles, beauty and pain in order to connect with like minded people. I would love to interact with as many people who read this blog as possible.

There is a certain level of insecurity, vanity, and desperation that comes with pulling your own insides out. So when someone writes something like the comment I received today:

Thanks for your continued writings, it has helped me through some hard times.

kindred spirit.

I would love to know who it is, so we can continue the conversation, continue buidling the relationship. I understand that going public can make you feel exposed and vulnerable, furthermore, I understand that not everyone is ready for this kind of publicity, but I ask that if you must leave an anonymous comment, please try to leave at least a first name if you are a friend or family, or email me a quick note.

I write to connect. It feels great to know you are reading and that I am helping you, but I would love to take it to the next level. I am honored and proud that anyone reads at all, but remember you do not have to hide.

image By Annemarie Vriends

Come on out, I won't bite. How do other bloggers feel about anonymous comments? Readers, why do you choose to remain anonymous?

Why Do You Blog?

This post has been swimming in my head for a few weeks, and it maybe time to haul it in and pin it up to the wall. As I start writing it, I am quite certain I have written it at least once before, but sometimes it maybe necessary to write it all down. Again.

I blog, because I love to write. I love what wrestling with words does for me. I write because I have no choice. These quiet bouts with expression help me stay sane. I often think about how difficult it must be for people who store up their thoughts and hope to deal with them on their own.

I blog for the same reasons I teach. I believe in communication and expression. I tell my students that all too often people build walls, because they are afraid of what people my say. But the walls we build soon become unyielding and grotesque. Huge edifices impossible to see beyond and impractical to tear down. We spend our lives behind the shadows, unaware of what lies beyond. Writing allows me to remove the brinks one-by-one.

One may argue that writing and blogging are mutually exclusive. That public writing/journaling is a narcissist act, a desperate writer looking for validation. While this maybe true, who doesn’t love a series of comments approving our thoughts, but I see blogging as more than that. If nothing else I see blogging as a great way to catalogue all my thoughts. I may never be committed enough, or talented enough to generate a novel, but in my own way I am documenting my life in these posts.

For better or for worse, each posts paints a tiny part of who I am. When I was mired in political angst, my mother gave me the best advice, “Try and write something that will help people.” I am not sure who she meant I was to help, but I see writing and blogging as great tools to help us all realize that we need not be alone.

Photo by Hypergurl - Tanya Ann

The human experience can be so complicated. I just hope that by confessing these thoughts in this corner of cyberspace, I can help someone out there understand that we are all connected, that we all share similar thoughts. If each one of us experiences a pixel of a shared consciousness, I hope my words, these posts can help us see the bigger picture.

Disconnected

I am not usually a fan of anonymous comments, but I received one today that made me feel pretty good. It said:


So here is my slap-shod answer. I have been lazy and tired and not all together motivated. I have been absorbing and procrastinating. I have been watching movies like this:



And this:




And this:



I have been reading a great book that has me thinking and not writing. I have been detached and aloof. I have been all over the web on Twitter and Facebook. I have been connecting and reconnecting and disconnecting.

In short, I have been here. I have been living. But your comment, who ever you are,made me realize that maybe there is at least one person out there reading and so I need to be writing, or at least creating and producing and sharing. Thank you. Regular blog posts forthcoming. I hope.

Photo by Micah Taylor

With Two Cats in the Yard...

I have quite a bit to say these days about 2007, ideas for the future, my general state of being and that of the world, as the new year gets under way, but after a trip to Tunisia and a visit form my dad, I am left a bit bleary eyed. I am taking solace here:

and am getting ready to re-charge and hopefully have a very productive new year. I want to thank everyone who has been reading these words for the last few years. The two year anniversary of Intrepid Flame is soon approaching and one of my resolutions this year is too try and increase my writing and readership. I hope to take this site to the next level.

In the meantime, I am wiped out, and since I start work tomorrow, I am a bit flat. Please enjoy these shots of my garden. It is here that I find the energy to create...

Stumble Upon

I have recently Stumbled Upon a great site. It is a great place to try and advertise your bog and increase your readership, but more so, it is a great place to find blogs, websites, video,and music to match your likes and dislikes. I have only been playing around for a few hours, but I have already found some pretty cool sites. Check out cool Flash maps here at Maps of War, or paint your own Jackson Pollack here. How else could I have found this amazing photography site, or this fun music discovery site here. It all depends on your preferences, but it seems to be doing a great job of finding things I like!

It's An Art To Live With Pain

It’s been a rough week here at Intrepid Flame. It started with an infestation of tasteless and inappropriate comments form, none other than, a former student of mine. I am not sure what prompted him to become so angry with me and abuse me with such a tongue lashing, but it just goes to show that you can pour your heart and soul into trying to reach kids and teach them, but at the end of the day they may tell you to go and fuck yourself. This is a great lesson in humility. Here I am thinking that I am making an authentic connection with these kids. I understand them, I tell myself. I am honest with them. I am open with them, and all the while they think I am just another schmuck like I thought all of my teachers were.

As I write these words, I can see that student or at least the one I think it was who left the comments, nodding his head and smiling, agreeing with me. This demotion from inspirational teacher to jackass is not an easy pill to swallow, but a crucial one nonetheless I suppose. I deleted the comments and have since added a comment moderation feature, something I wad loathe do, because I hate censorship of all kind, but I didn’t feel the kid was actually reading what I was writing; he was simply lashing out at me. I contemplated just ignoring the whole fiasco, but I have a few things to say to you if you are reading:

I remember the rage. The fear. The insecurity that forces us to push hard against anything in our way. I remember feeling it when I was in the third grade when my life changed forever. Ever since, I have been looking for opportunities to let my guard down, but for a long time none were forth coming. This insular and limited sense of self caused me to feel much pain. I was lost for much of my life. Lost in anger. Lost with drugs and alcohol. Lost alone. Somewhere out in the emptiness, however, I realized that I need not push so hard. I need not fight constantly. I can simply relax and be.

When I first read your comments, you who I thought I had gone out of my way to try and connect to because I could see you were entering the lonely world of rage, I was hurt and livid. My initial response was one of seething revenge, but the days have passed and I am realizing that I am still the teacher, the adult, I have been through this while you, a young man, most likely alone are still facing your demons. So whoever you are, if you are reading this, I say keep throwing your punches till your arms grow weary, I will be here to take your blows. I will not allow you to publicly humiliate me, so I will leave the comments moderated, but if you need someone to abuse, I am here, better me than yourself. Unfortunately I cannot show you the way, you must find your own path, but I can tell you this: The sooner you rid yourself of your anger, the easier everything becomes. I am not sure what I have done to you to cause you so much distress, but I apologize for whatever it was. I did nothing more than try to teach you how to face the world. I guess my problem was that I myself am still trying to figure that out.

I hope for my sake that your words were simple thoughtless adolescent foolishness and nothing more. If your intentions were to hurt me: You succeeded. I hope that you can now move on. There is not much more I can say.

The second issue I am facing at this Intrepid Flame is a conversation I had with someone close to me, about the nature of blogging, and I suppose writing and self-expression as a whole. She is worried that I am exposing myself too much out here in cyberland. The conversation we shared was long and wasnprompted by the very comments I mentioned above, but the gist of it was: should there be a filter on self-expression especially in the form of blogging? How much is too much information? How much is too personal? I think she is worried that I may bring on the wrath of undesirables, or the State Department, or the Qatari emir. I do not flatter myself that any more that the twenty people I harass on a regular basis to read these words, even know that I exist, but let us say that she is right and big brother is watching, how much honesty and self-revelation is too much?

Here is what I have to say:

I trust the world. I believe in good faith. I believe that if you act with good intentions and convictions that good things will come your way. I believe in openness and honesty, full disclosure- the more we hide from the world the more we are hiding from ourselves. I understand that we are all works in progress and that I often say things that perhaps I shouldn’t. I think that the words on this blog are adding up to be my life. I think that anyone I feel is worthy to judge me needs to read them all before making judgment. I say this because the person with whom I spoke is worried about me. She thought the irate student comments may have been some angry Qatari in response to my views on his country.

I guess the question is how valid our my opinions? How much freedom do I really have to express them? Are there things that we should fear to write about? Are these not the things we should be writing about? Isn’t challenging oppression and fear the only road to totally freedom? Again, I am not here to flatter myself into thinking that I am changing the world in anyway, apparently I am just a punching bag for teen angst, but isn’t that the role of writing, of art, of freedom, of the human spirit to stand up despite all fear and say that I trust the world. I believe in goodness, however nebulous that concept may be?

I will not, I cannot hide my thoughts about the world. They are all I have. After all what else do we really have but our positions on the realties that surround us? Is it dangerous to say that there is slavery here in Qatar, when I see it everyday? Isn’t it my duty if nothing else than to at least mention it? What can be more insignificant that wiring about major moral problems? If it is hazardous to point out skeletons in nations’ closests, where is this danger coming from? Is it wrong to say that I feel unwelcome in this country, am I offending anyone? Should I stop? There seem to be more questions than answers, but it is late so I will wrap this up. I will leave them for you…If you are out there and reading, what do you think?

I will, however, admit that she was right. I did write some of the lines from the previous post with haste and emotion. I had some pent up frustrations with my inability to adapt to a culture I am having a hard time understanding and appreciating. Some of what I said could irritate and offend some readers, and for that I apologize, but I hope that the few lines can be seen as small part of the larger whole that is this blog, that is me, that is my journey, that is the world. I am honest with my observations so as to nip them in the bud. If left to fester and unspoken these frustrations become racism, anger, conflict, war. I am simply tying to understand them as they come my way. I hope that all my views can be viewed objectively and as a whole.

I know that my words sometimes may be bold and aggressive, but at their core they are simply trying to understand the way to peace. The path to peace is a bumpy one, but it is one that I will walk without fear, because nothing I say, I hope is ever meant to cause pain, on the contrary I use these words to heal the pain I see inside and all around me.

This was a long post, but one a long time coming. I hope everyone out there who is reading this, especially the guy at the State Department or any other government organization monitoring the thoughts of a man trying to find himself, remembers what I have said here. But in reality, I have been working my ass of to try and build a readership and no matter what I do, I still feel like an invisible speck out here in the universe. Once again I think Pearl Jam nails it:


Is this just another day,... this god forgotten place?
First comes love and then comes pain. Let the games begin,...
Questions rise and answers fall,... insurmountable.

Love boat captain
Take the reigns and steer us towards the clear,... here.
It's already been sung, but it can't be said enough.
All you need is love

Is this just another phase of earthquakes making waves?
Trying to shake the cancer off us stupid human beings,...
Once you hold the hand of love,.. it's all surmountable.

Hold me, and make it the truth,...
That when all is lost there'll be you,...
Cause to the universe I don't mean a thing
And there's just one word I still believe
And it's love

It's an art to live with pain,... mix the light into grey,..
Lost 9 friends we'll never know,.. 2 years ago today
And if our lives became too long, would it add to our regret?

And the young, they can lose hope cause they can't see beyond today,...
The wisdom that the old can't give away.
Hey,... constant recoil...
Sometimes life don't leave you alone.

Hold me, and make it the truth,...
That when all is lost there will be you.
Cause to the universe I don't mean a thing
And there's just one word that I still believe and it's
Love,... love. love. love. love.

Love boat captain
Take the reigns,.. steer us towards the clear.
I know it's already been sung,... can't be said enough.
Love is all you need,.. all you need is love,..
Love,.. love,...

Books, Books, and More Books

I just got back from the bookstore with my summer reading list. While some of these books will be put into my shipment to Doha and will not be read until August, I plan on taking a few of them with me as I travel this summer. Needless to say, I plan on adding a few titles to the list in NYC:

Bertrand Russell- The History of Western Philosophy
Gore Vidal- Lincoln
Gore Vidal- The Golden Age
Jean-Jacques Rousseau- The Social Contract
Kurt Vonnegut- Palm Sunday
Kurt Vonnegut- Galapagos

I think I may start with Lincoln, although I now realize that the novel is the third in a series of works called the Narratives of Empire…stay tuned for the review! Oh and by the way, I have crossed the 10,000 hits mark. I know that 10,000 is not that high of a number considering how long this blog has been around, but it is certainly higher than the zero people who were reading when I started. I want to thank you if you are a regular reader, and invite you back if you just stopped by. I hope to try and expand my readership further next year, time permitting of course!

Have You Ever Heard of Jo Wilding?

I was browsing through my news pages when I came across this article, which led me to a book called Don't Shoot The Clowns by a blogger named Jo Wilding, which later led me to a film called A Letter To A Prime Minister. I guess my point is that there is a lot of information out here in cyber land, and we cannot simply sit back and say we do not know what is happening through out the world. The hardest part is knowing what to do about it. I am still at a loss. However, I for one am excited to get my hands on this book and movie and try to put a human face on the occupation.

"You can’t talk about democracy and ‘Do you agree with the war or not, did we do the right thing?’ if you don’t know what we actually did and what actually happened to people. I was just in one city and I talked to a fraction of the people who were affected but still, I think I was able to hear and then tell a lot of people’s stories. The number of people who read the blog and responded to it backed that up.”

Great Firewall of China

Billions of Chinese will never feel the warmth of Intrepid Flame! So what? Just thought it was interesting. Thanks Superkimbo for the link. See if you can get over the Great Firewall of China!

Voting, Awards, and Other Business

I talked in an earlier post about being able to connect more than ever because of social networking sites and blogs; well here are two great examples:

1. I was @ LeSophie’s blog, whom I met through SPC (who is coincidently from the same area where I grew up) when I saw she was posting one of her photos to JPG Magazine. After doing some research I thought the concept of JPG magazine was great. I decided to participate as well. Please go here and vote for my photo. I could get $100 bucks and have the shot published in their rag!

2. My second example is from Shimmer Glimpse who nominated me for a Thinking Blog Award. It is always reassuring to know that not only are their people out there reading, but that they find what you right thought provoking. Thanks for all of you who read regularly, and I hope to continue to keep you thinking. I guess I am supposed to pass this award to five others. I have not added any descriptions. Just go to these sites and snoop around. Here goes

1. Life's Journey
2. Chronicles of Me
3. Renegade Eye
4. Tohu Va-Bohu

Don't forget to vote for my pictures here:

Little Spot in the Universe, Here I Am

It must be the Rain Man in me who needs to categorize and document all of my books and music into charts, lists, and grids, so that I can examine them periodically and hope that someone out there will find it comforting or impressive that I can jump from The Clash to M. Ward to Ciara within a ten minute span, or that an eyebrow may be raised in admiration because I have a copy of Guerrilla Warfare sitting next to Peace Is Every Step. It must me some human need to bring order to chaos, because I am pretty sure the conspiracy theorist and social activist in me has, at one point, surely said something along the lines of, “The Patriot Act can look into your library activity and see which books you have been reading, or they can look through your emails and monitor who you have been talking to and what you have been buying.” Here I am making lists and publishing them on the Internet for them.

What the hell I am talking about? Let me explain. I have recently found two sites that I am really excited about: Last Fm and Library Thing. If you look at the bottom of the my sidebar you will see two, what I think are very aesthetically pleasing, grids of my book collection and the music I am listening to right this very second. (Turn on Me off the new Shins record.)

These sites are social networking tools that help people connect based on their interests in music and books- the two most important things in my life. However, as I was inputting every single book I own into Library Thing, a few questions crossed my mind, the most obvious one being: Why the hell am I doing this? Social networking sites seem to me to be designed for people without any friends or people dating. Why would I, a married man with a list of friends I have a hard time keeping in touch with, want to “meet” anyone new?

I think sites like this exploit the human need to connect. They act platforms where we can display ourselves to a global audience and hope that we are not alone. They reconfirm our beliefs that there are other people out there similar to us. Coupled with blogs these sites act as first dates, job interviews, or the budding of new friendships, but without the awkward bullshit that comes from small talk.

I hate small talk. As soon as I meet someone new the first things I want to talk to them about are what they listen to, what they read, what they watch, and how they express themselves artistically. I can glean everything about a person I need to know by what they read, listen to, and watch. (I have yet to find a good site for films. Let me know if you know of one.) I cannot relate to people who are not obsessive readers, who don’t appreciate music on a life and death level, or who watch movies just to be entertained. The beauty of these sites, and I would like to add Flickr to the list is that they weed out a lot of people I have nothing in common with, and they show me people out there who have similar tastes as me in the things I find the most important in my life. But who cares if I emailed some girl in San Francisco last night because we were the only two people on Library Thing who have read Revolutionary Rehearsals and shared 25 other books just to say hello. Does it matter that I can find five other people who have listened to the song Four Winds off the new Bright Eyes CD, ten times last week? Or that some 23 year old in Stockholm is helping me find tickets for a festival I may attend in June.

Away from the computer, I am an anti-social animal, but imagine if I do go to this festival, and I meet up with this person just to say hi, because she has been reading my blog and likes what I have to say about insert topic, or maybe this summer in New York I may meet up with betmo and share a cuppa and talk about the Kucinich campaign, because we have been reading each others work for over a year. I am not saying any of this will happen, but I like the idea that it could. The Internet is changing so much that we are now truly all connected. We are literally linking together.

So if you happen to run across my little spot in the universe, here I am. Take a look at my books, my music, my photos and if you like what you see stop and say hello. Peace starts with understanding others, and while I may be more that what I listen to and what I read, that is a pretty good place to start. If you are a reader of this blog start your own Last Fm, Library Thing, or Flickr page and let’s get to know each other better. And if you are an old friend, this would be a great way to see how we have changed or grown closer or further apart.

The Rain Man in me wants to share my author cloud, find a connection:

New Ways of Approaching The Doom

I recently received a comment from RoseCovered Glasses on my post about the four year anniversary of the war in Iraq, and so I went snooping around his blog. I found three very important and meaningful items there. I will share them with you briefly. The first two, tell a pretty simple story. One that I don’t feel needs too much explanation. The third is a lengthy article from Variety Fair that is a nice closer to the two charts. What conclusions must we draw from these simple graphs?


I hope these charts and this story will jar something in you to help you see the light. This war, the next war, the state of the world is beyond Bush. It is beyond politics. It is the reality of our world. We don’t need new revolutions; we need new ideas. We need new ways of approaching the doom. Maybe writing these blogs will help us find that new way as a group. I have just signed up with One Million Blogs for Peace. I am not sure what, if anything, this insignificant act will accomplish, but I think it is important to surround yourself with like minded people. This is their pledge:

I believe in the immediate withdrawal of all foreign combat troops from the nation of Iraq. I believe in using my blog, in whole or in part, as a tool toward this end.

and I can live with that. Good night for now.

Back in 07

It feels like it has been forever since I have posted, dear readers but I am back. I have been visiting friends and family back in The States and now I am back in Malaysia and ready to get back to life. While I was away, I took a break from the news, blogging, taking pictures, from needing to constantly document my story. I spent time with my daughter and old friends. It was a nice break.

Even now as I sit here in front of this screen, I am weary about jumping back into it. I wonder if it is not best to simply enjoy this time back and not write anything. It might be best not to read Bush’s speech and feel the tension of anger crawl up my back again as he continues to lie and make a bad situation worse.

I feel I owe it to the few readers that I have to at least let you know that I am back. I have been looking at my Blog Counter and although I haven’t posted in weeks, people are still stopping by. I have collected many thoughts on my return to The States; I have a story about flying with an infant and other little gems, but I will wait till I settle back in and see which ones still carry weight in a few days. It’s funny; I feel like I have nothing left to say. Maybe this year these blog posts will take on a new look. Maybe I will only write about things that will truly mean something. I doubt it. I am starting to realize that all writing, especially when done so flippantly and instantly published is meaningless.

So there you have it, I am rambling already. I just wanted to say hello and let my readers know that I am back. I am taking a break from the SPC challenge this month, but I will return in February. I am not a resolution man and I have no ideas for this months prompt.

By the way it has been one year since my first post. Maybe you can take this time to explore some of my earlier posts.

Beta Blogger Blows

I recently “updated” Intrepid Flame to Beta Blogger and now I can’t comment on other people’s Blogs, and I can’t receive comments here at Intrepid Flame. At least I don’t think I can. I have posted two or three posts with zero comments in the last few days and this feels unusual. This could be because no one is commenting but I doubt it. I did some research and this seems to be happening to other people. It sounds like I jut have to wait till Blogger sorts itself out. Needless to say I am very upset by this.

In the mean time, if you have been here and couldn’t comment please either use an account-free comment where you simply type in your name and website address after you have checked other for type of comment. Or go to my profile and send me an email letting me know you were here. If you are facing this same problem and have any solutions please email me as well. I hope this gets fixed soon.

Back To School

I have finally established a small readership and it may appear that I have abandoned you. I guess the realities of life are catching up to me. School started this week, and I am back in the classroom. Life has been busy, and I have been lax with my blogging duties. If you were a regular reader this summer, please continue to check into Intrepid Flame; I will try and post at least once a week. I will also be vigilant to stay up to date with my Self-Portraits (I love this project) and Poetry Thursday. The intensive political discussions may have to take a back seat, and I guess that’s not a bad thing.

I also apologize for the reduction in comments on the blogs I have been reading all summer. I will just say that I will read when I can and keep up the good work.


I will leave you with a MUST SEE MOVIE. Please rent and/or by the movie Why We Fight. It will not teach much new if you are somewhat aware of the military industrial complex and the affects of war profiteering on the American democracy, but it is a very well done easy to follow piece of film making. If however you are not to familiar with how the US defense department works please watch this movie.

Tag, You're it!

I guess it is only a matter of time to be tagged, if you are involved in the Blogosphere. I am a bit short on time, so I cannot go into depth on my choices. I remember as a kid always being being asked, “Dude what three albums would you bring on a deserted island?” and never being able to narrow down all the music in the world to three choices, so today these choices are off the top of my head and have not involved too much thought. After all books are my life and I can answer each of the following questions a million different ways. These are just the answers that came to me this Sunday afternoon as I filled in the blanks:

1: One book that changed your life:

People’s History of the Untied States by Howard Zinn. Although it was fairly late in my life, this book more than any other radicalized me and opened my eyes to the true nature of the American government. I have since read Chomsky and Tariq Ali and others, but Zinn’s tome is the quintessential read for anyone who wants to understand the nature of both domestic and foreign American policy. I think it was Marx who said that history is written by the winners, well this is the story of the struggle made by the people of the US. Starting with the genocide of the native population to the Vietnam War and beyond, this is a must read for anyone who considers politics a worthy topic.

2: One book you have read more than once:

There are so many great books that I have yet to read that I rarely read books twice. But I have read Big Sur and The Oranges of Hieronymus Bosch by Henry Miller at least twice, and I am looking forward to reading it again soon. In this book we fined an older, gentle, more mature Miller discussing the role of Art and his life in Big Sur during his older years.

3: One book you would want on a desert island:

I think I would want a definitive collection of Rumi’s poems. Because realistically how many times can a person read a novel or non-fiction book. But Rumi’s poems like wine, open up, and deliver something new every time they are read. I think they would stimulate me intellectually and spiritually.

4: One book that made you laugh:

Anything by Dave Sedaris. Me Talk Pretty Someday and Naked come to mind. I seldom laugh out loud when reading, but Sedaris is the master of comedy writing.

5: One book you wish had been written:

I am sure this has been written, but a readable history of the fall of the Roman Empire. Something not too academic, but all-inclusive that will show us the signs as our empire collapses.

6: One book you wish had never had been written:

Anything by Ann Coulter.

7: One book that made you cry:

The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen. I think this may be the perfect novel. Funny, sad, insightful and beautifully written.

8: One book you are currently reading:

The Autobiography of Ghandi. It is called My Experiment with Truth. I am 175 pages into it and it is a bit slow. He is currently in South Africa and starting his work in public service. I hope it gets better.

9: One book you have been meaning to read:

Anything by Trotsky and Das Capital. I know it is ambitious, but I hope to get to it someday.

10: Now tag five people:

1. Chronicles of Me

2. HoboPoet

3. The Vapid Lemur

4. Journey's With Jood

5. Life's journey

Ability To Analyze

I recently received the following comment:

You tend to really analyze this stuff and give both sides of the story. That's rare in the blogosphere anymore.

I was so pleased that I felt the need to expand on the thought further:

This ability to analyze did not come easily. I have spent years ranting and raving against what I perceived to be a monolithic enemy. Years of always aligning myself with a side and arguing for it passionately have left me exhausted. There is nothing easier than having an opinion. Reading blogs has only elucidated this fact for me more clearly. We bloggers take an issue and find the side that feels right for us and align ourselves with like-minded individuals, but we lose touch with why the issue was important in the first place.

In the past I constantly found myself becoming extremely attached to my opinions. I still do it some extent, but now I am trying to see what arguments look like from the other side. If we do not practice arguing both sides of an argument, our own arguments will become insulated and ineffective. There is nothing easier to sit here and say that I am:

Pro-choice
Anti-War
Vegetarian
Anti-business
Socialist
Anti-death penalty
Non-violent
The list is endless...we always end up on a side, if we allow ourselves to.

But only choosing a side does nothing to bring about change. We must expect more from our values, and the only way to do this is to allow ourselves to see other people’s points of view. Anything else is insecurity. The hardest part of being open-minded is that most people do not return the favor, and so we become frustrated and defensive. But we feel that our thoughts have merit and can stand on their own, then we shouldn’t feel the need to defend them.

Something, I have found extremely useful in not becoming entrenched in my own mind is that I am starting to understand that it is not a good idea to split the world into concepts like right or wrong, or good or bad. Creating this type of dichotomous world only forces us to attach ourselves to a side. We must see the world and the issues in it as a whole. If we feel we are always right, then how can we listen to the other side? But if see the world not as a choice between good and bad, we will see that we can reduce conflict and hopefully work toward cooperation. In order to achieve this collaboration, we need understanding. And understanding comes from listening and not choosing a side.

It’s funny. I sound quite confident here, but these ideas are very fresh to me too. In fact, I am shaping them as I type now. I guess I am tired of arguing the same points repeatedly. I mean how many times can I debate the Israeli Palestinian conflict? As soon as we feel we are right, the other side becomes wrong. And suddenly every Israeli becomes the enemy. When in fact that should never be the case. It is this type of thinking that brings more conflict. If I were to pick a side, I would pick the Palestinian, but is alignment helping to bring peace to the very people I wish peace for? One has to look and see why the Israelis act the way they do. Just as the Israeli must ask themselves, why is it that men are blowing themselves up on our busses? To truly understand, we must ask question. We may not find answers, but the very act of questioning brings more understanding.

So now what? I am not sure. I guess we simply debate, argue, question, and try to be open-minded. I think on the left we see ourselves as more open-minded, but sometimes it would behoove us to sit back and see exactly how much we are listening. This is not easy, and I am not saying that we should give in and stop the fight against injustice. I am simply saying that I don’t believe the world is in the state it is in because some people are good while others are bad, or that we are right and they are wrong. The world is in the state it is in because we do not listen. We do not understand. I for one am finally starting to understand this very simple lesson. So thank you for noticing my newly found open-mindedness. I hope it lasts. I hope it is contagious.

Intellectual Masturbation

I would like thank General Cucumber for reminding me of a few things, before I quickly burn myself out in this blog game; before I even get started. This. All of this writing and dialogue, and back and forth in the end is intellectual masturbation, or a vain act of desperation. I always seem to forget this lesson and catch myself trying to convert everyone to my way of thinking, with one carefully thought out argument. Forgetting that conversion may not be possible, or even necessary. Like the general reminded me: Politics is corrupt bullshit, and we’ll find more truth in art and culture than we ever will in trying to dialogue with the egos of (he says cretins, but I will say others.)

Now that there appear to be a few readers stopping by here at the Flame, I will try my best to find nuggets of wisdom, both from my own brain and other places, that may help us all figure out what it is we are trying to achieve through our political discourses, when we do have them. I do not and cannot sit here and call people names and try to argue simple political arguments with people who ar enot ready to have them. If people out there think that the US is a force for good in an ever morally decaying world, who am I to tell them that the opposite is true. This kind of awakening will take years of education. I can only share news as I see it and hope that I can chip away at the ignorance that runs rampant in the world. In the process, I hope that some of my own ideas can be clarified by leanring from others. I would love to have intelligent correspondences with either like-minded people, or with people on the other side of the divide who are open and mature enough to accept the possiblity of alternatives.

Since not one person, who left a comment on my previous post, left a suggestion on how we could help bring people together, I hope to show readers a few examples in the next few weeks through posts on this site.

In closing, I think it is important to not stagnate on politics alone. So, I hope that other aspects of life will also help us “get there” as the general says. Thanks again for reminding us that art, culture and humor can do more to change people’s perceptions than hours of political debate.

Peacemaking never depends on the other person. Peace is made in our own hearts, and nowhere else.

I try to remember this quote by Norman Fisher, whenever I get to carried away with politics.