264/365

i’m tired of saying this is complex,
that its a long journey, that we need
to meet people where they are, that systems
are tough to change and that politics abound.

i’m tired of only saying i hear you and value you,
with no action or change, filling pockets with empty promises.
of constantly redirecting intent back to impact, of allowing
people to suffer while in harms way. designing
curricula to raise awareness about privilege,
building a lexicon to name white supremacy,
feeling the need to lessen the weight of that word,
for fear of alienating the fragile who think those words
are just a step too far.

i’m tired of begging you to hold yourself accountable,
of demanding apologies and waiting for you to do better.
of managing your emotions and worrying about your guilt, shame and anger,  
at the expense of other people’s humanity,
especially when you are privileged. at the center. dominant.

i’m tired and i don’t have to much lose.
i am privileged
in nearly every area
that’s measurable:
male
white passing
cisgendered
straight
able bodied
english speaking
upper middle class.

i’m tired and i just started this work.
imagine the exhaustion of those who have been
doing working for justice their entire lives.
imagine the exhaustion of those for whom
this is not work or a professional development certificate.  
imagine the exhaustion of people who need systems to change
so they can breathe.

but here i am again centering
my experience,
my feelings,
my life,
again.
just like i’ve been taught to do,
my entire life.

exhaustion means nothing
in the face of the journey ahead.